To Bedlam and Back
by u17
Summary: Naomi is the new patient at Forest Green Center for Mental Rehabilitation. There she meets Emily. Romance ensues.
1. Chapter 30

Fucking stupid motherfucker. If he hadn't decided to drop by unannounced to win me back or whatever the hell he was trying to do, I wouldn't be in this situation. Stupid asswipe. I guess it was partly my fault for giving him a key that time. I guess this is the part where I go on about my feelings, but I really don't want to talk. Thanks anyway, journal. Oh, you insist? Well then ok, asshole, here it goes. My sad tale of woe. I'm Naomi and three days ago I slit my wrists.

You know what they don't tell you on TV about suicide is that it's not always a cry for help. Sometimes the person actually really just want to fucking die. That's me. It's not that my life is particularly awful on paper, but I'm miserable anyway. Broke up with my boyfriend two weeks ago. Hooked up with random guys and girls in the weeks since. Yeah I perpetuate the stereotype that bi people are sluts. Who the fuck cares? I don't, but then of course I really don't give a shit about anything. He called everyday like the little whipped boy he is.

"Naomi, please rethink it."

"Hey, it's me, just wondered how you're doing."

"I need you back. Please."

Fucking pussy. I don't need someone as wimpy and girly as him. If I wanted a girl, I'd be dating a girl. Yeah, I like girls. Have ever since middle school if I'm really being honest with myself. Starting nailing them when I was in college though. Girls are better, softer. Oh well I'm not up for that sappy shit anymore. I used to be so caring, so nice. Not anymore. I've pretty much driven all my friends away with my bitchiness. Fuck 'em.

Anyway, so I cut my wrists. I really was hoping to die. And as you might have gleaned, my ex-boyfriend found me and called the hospital. Now here I am at the lovely Forest Greens Center for Mental Rehabilitation. Apparently the judge ordered me here for an undisclosed, likely undetermined, amount of time. So here I am, a happy camper.

I got up the morning to eat some of the gruel they served. Actually it's not that bad, but I'm fucking depressed so I don't really care. Then they pulled me in to talk to the doctor.

"So, Naomi, how are you doing?"

"Oh great, you know, just thought I'd slit my wrists to see what would happen." I said waving my bandaged arms for show. "It's a really innovative fashion statement. I'm all about the fashion."

That's a lie. I don't give a flying fuck about fashion. My last girlfriend, Erica, was always on my case about it. Plaid doesn't match everything, she'd plead. Well in my book, it does. So get over it.

"Sarcasm doesn't really help me help _you_."

"Maybe I don't want to be helped? Maybe I just want to be alone to kill myself. Ever thought of that, doc?"

"See, this suicidal ideation is what concerning. How long have you been wanting to kill yourself?"

I decide that I can at least stop being a prick and answer the docs questions. "I don't know, a year, maybe?"

"Did you have a plan that entire time?"

"No, I just thought about it."

"Do you ever think about hurting others? Your family, maybe?"

"No, if you'd read your fucking file on me then you'd know that my dad died in a car accident five years ago, and my siblings and I aren't exactly on the best terms."

"I'm sorry to hear that. Would you like to talk about? Tell me how you felt, how you feel now?"

"It felt fucking wonderful, thanks for asking. I'm actually a sick masochist, you fancy some rough sex?"

"Ok, Ms. Campbell, I can see that we're not going to get anything done today. I'm prescribing you 200mg of sertraline and 2mg of risperidone. That should sort you out. Ms. Jones will show you to your new room."

New room? WTF. I liked the old one fine, thank you very much. Ms. Jones came and got me and led me to the last room in the block.

"Here it is, love," she said kindly, "Your roommate's Emily."

I walk into the room to see a girl staring off into space. In the real world I'd have found her attractive. Medium length red hair, fit body, everything pointed towards hot. But I wasn't in the real world, I was in a mental hospital. Meaning that this girl was most likely mad.

"Hi," I said, sticking my hand out. She broke her glance and turned to me. She looked bewildered, as if she had no idea what I was doing. "I'm Naomi."

She stood up, walked over and grabbed into a tight hug.

"Hey, well hello, I have a name that my parents gave me. That's a nice coat you've got did you get it at the flomozzle? Well the thing about talking is that is just works, words I mean, doesn't always mean things. Things are really weird now, have you heard about-" She trailed off, and began to stare at the wall. Then,

"They're after you, you know. The aliens, they put the chicken in my brain. So I went to the arcade, do you like green? You're in here, you must be a fan of football."

What is wrong with this girl?


	2. Chapter 2

the reviewer who asked where the title came from, Bedlam was a mental hospital in England, it now means chaos

A/N: I decided that Naomi's mother is alive. So forget the part where she said that both her parents died in a car accident.

I was woken by the loud noises coming from the intercom.

"Patients, it's time to get up. We're meeting for breakfast and checking your vital signs. Again, It's time for breakfast and vital signs."

God, my head is killing me. This is going to turn into such a shitty day. I yawned and turned over. I saw Emily was already getting up, getting dressed. She looked around.

"Hey, Naomi, I like to introduce myself. Like properly. Yesterday, well, yesterday I was feeling a little off. Had a bit of disorganized speech. So here goes, I'm Emily Fitch and I'm very pleased to meet you." She extended her hand which I took in surprise.

"So what exactly happened last night? I mean you were acting fucking mental." Oops, probably shouldn't tell a mental patient they sound mad.

"I'm an undifferentiated schizophrenic. That means that I have speech and thought problems. Plus fun stuff, like paranoid delusions and hallucination. Those are a real blast."

I'm confused. She said all of that with a straight face. "Are you shitting me?"

"Yeah, it's actually pretty fucking awful. I used to think that aliens had placed chips in everyone's brain to monitor and influence our thoughts. And there was this mean voice, James, and this nice voice, Melanie . Anyway, where are you at lovely Green Forests?"

"Take a guess," I said holding up my bandage wrists. "My ex-boyfriend found me passed out in a pool of blood and and the judge decided I needed to be here. I guess I've got depression, though."

"Oh. That must suck. I had a bit of depression after I was first diagnosed. A little suicidal if I'm telling the truth. But that's better know. I've been here almost a year, you know."

"Wow, that must be awful. I hate it here and I've only been here a day."

"Yeah, well it gets to be alright. My twin, Katie, visits a lot."

"Is she schizophrenic, too?"

"Nah, she's a normie."

A head popped into the room. It was one of the nurses, Melissa I think. "Girls, you need to meet outside for vital signs and breakfast."

I made my way across the room and quickly got dressed. I noticed Emily looking at my body. Looking at my many scars. Yeah, I cut. There's something about seeing that the blood that's like fucking cathartic or some shit like that. My ex begged my to stop, but I guess I didn't really care what he wanted. Emily shyly gets dressed; I suppose she's not used to having a roommate. We went to breakfast which was a pretty boring affairs. The nurses took our temperature and blood pressure, then let us go to group. There were about six others in the young adult ward. The nurse in charge, Melissa again, began.

"Hi everyone and welcome to community. For those of you who don't know-" she gestured to me "-we have community meeting everyday. We discuss what goals we have for the day and talk about how we're doing. Freddie, if you could go first, and tell Naomi a bit about yourself. Things you like to do, something she needs to know about Forest Greens, and finally what brought you here."

"Hi, I'm Freddie. I like skateboarding, hanging out with friends, and spliff. I like spliff a lot." He grinned wickedly. He's actually pretty fit, in a stoner kind of way. "Anyway, you need to learn to take your meds, they're essential. Let's see, what brought me here. I have bipolar disorder. Manic depression. Mainly I'm depressed but sometimes I cycle into mania. It's nice to meet you, Naomi."

"Pandora, why don't you go next."

"Whizzer. I'm Pandora, but everyone calls me Panda. I like doughnuts and watching the telly. I'm pretty useless, so I don't know what advice I can give you on what to do here. What brought me here was schizotypal personality disorder."

"James, you're up."

"Hello, Naomikins, I'm Cook. Not James. I like drinking, drugs, and woman." Amen to that. "Trust the doctors. I was put in here, against my will, because I supposedly have Intermittent Explosive Disorder. Don't know why they thought that. Just destroyed half a store, I guess."

"Effy, your turn."

"Hello. I'm Effy. I really have nothing else to say." She gave me a mysterious glance.

Melissa looked peeved. She did nothing, though, just said, "Effy has Borderline Personality Disorder. JJ, go, please."

"Hello, Naomi. I'm JJ. I have Asperger's syndrome and schizoid personality disorder. I'm also fairly obsessive compulsive. I'm good at maths and sciences, but not particularly talented at communication and interpersonal skills."

"And, finally, we have Emily. You've already met her, right?"

"Yeah."

"Continuing on with community, let's go around and talk about what we're going to do today. JJ, why don't you start."

I tuned out then, letting them babble incessantly. My eyes wandered to Emily, who was staring out the one, barred, window. I could tell she was looking at the clouds. I looked at them, too, trying to see the shapes.

"Naomi! Are you listening? It's your turn. What do you hope to accomplish today?"

"I don't know, um get a diagnosis?"

"That's not the important thing. What's important is getting better. I suggest you do the first chapter of DBT. It's quite fascinating, in my opinion."

"Sure, whatever." I was pretty apathetic to doing anything, so this DBT or whatever couldn't be that bad. Boy, was I wrong. That right there was some boring shit. I slog through several worksheets about it, and then it's time for lunch.

They separated the guys and girls for mealtime, fuck knows why. It wasn't like we were going to screw each other over our sandwiches. I looked around nervously; I felt like the new girl at school. Pandora and Effy were deep in conversation, so the only empty seat was next to Emily. I took my tray of mac 'n' cheese over.

"Hey," she said. "There's plenty of room over here."

"Thanks." We didn't talk really, just silently ate.

"So, you're depressed?" Emily asked sounding a bit apprehensive. Probably didn't want to offend me or touch a sore point. Cuz there's no reason why I wouldn't want to talk to a complete and utter stranger.

"Yeah, I suppose. I don't know, these last few weeks have been weird. It's like I'm on a permanent caffeine high."

"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. Well it's nice to have a new face around here. Well, I mean it's not like it's nice that you had to come here, it's just that, well, I don't even know what I'm talking about."

"It's ok. I know what you meant. Are you friends with Effy and Pandora?"

She lowered her voice, "Not really. Panda's ok, but Effy is sort of unfriendly. She, well, she has problems. But you'd already know that, why else would she be here. She runs hot and cold. Sometimes she's the friendliest girl you'll ever meet, but sometimes she's a right bitch."

"The same can be said of me, I think. Sometimes it's like I'm on the top of the world. I'm friendly, funny, cool. Then I crash. I just become-"

She cuts me off. "There's a chip in your brain. James told me not to tell you, but I think you need to watch out. This "hospital", it's where they place them in your brain. I'm lucky because my chip is malfunctioning so I can see the truth. I'm sorry to tell you like this, but sometimes you need to hear the harsh reality. They have forced doctors to think there is something wrong with me mentally when really I have just seen to truth. They are using their software to control my thoughts and make me forget what has happened. The "medication" they are giving me is feeding the chip through advanced technology that we do not know of. Right now they are stealing away my thoughts. They have inserted a new personality inside of me that talks to me. It masquerades as myself, but tells me to do harmful things to myself and others." She smiled conspiratorially, like she'd just let me in on some big secret. Her expression changed quickly to one of horror. "You're in on it, aren't you?"

I was confused. Like really confused. "James? Cook, you mean? What do you mean actually?"

"No, no. James lives in my head. Melanie's there, too. They tell me things, alert me to what's going on. Sometimes they talk to each other. Melanie's nice, but James is mean. Satan sometimes talk to me too. He told me he was going to take me as his own."

Ok, so Emily had officially booked a stay on the crazy boat. I really had no inkling of what she was talking about. I had never met anyone who was schizophrenic, except for that homeless man that lived near my flat. Not really sure what I was supposed to do, I said, "Huh. That's interesting."

"Oh my god, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I, I was a little out of it. Sorry. I get delusional sometimes." Her face was flushed red, and she stumbled over her words. What a complete turnaround.

"Er, it's fine. I was just surprised that's all."

"I sounded like a nutter."

"No, of course not. Well, maybe a little bit. Just a bit."

She giggled. She was kind of cute, in a crazed sort of way.

"Ladies and gentlemen, it's visiting hours. One visitor at a time, you know the rules."

I looked over. Oh shit. My mum was standing in the waiting room, giving me an insane looking grin. There are certain people I don't particular enjoy seeing. My mum is one of them. There were several other people waiting for their bags to be checked. A few parents, some people who looked like they could be sibling or boyfriends or girlfriends, a girl who has to be Emily's twin, and, oh God, Tom. My ex-boyfriend. Why wouldn't he come to visit his crazy ex-girlfriend in this prison, ahem, "hospital".

My mum came at me like a mad woman. She made it about halfway the distance towards me then broke into hysterical tears.

"I'm ok, I'm fine." Who are you trying to convince? "Oh, god, my little girl's in the loony bin. What did I do wrong?"

"For God's sake, mum, get a hold of yourself. I'm fine." I reached over and pulled her into a tight hug, because really, she looked like she needed it. We move over to the tables, and I get her to sit down. She was reluctant to let me go, to say the least. Finally we got situated.

"So, Naomi, how are you doing?"

"Fucking top notch, mum. I'm actually good, so if you could say so to the lunatic who put me in here that I should be allowed to leave, that would be amazing."

"Oh, sweetie, when did you become so bitter?"

"Maybe it was when you invited all those people to live in our house. Just FYI communal living sucks majorly. And that wanker you were dating, Todd? He made a pass at me. So my teenage years, well they were kind of sucky." I immediately regretted my harsh words as I saw my mum's face crumple.

"Darling, I'm so sorry. Did I ever tell you how angry I was when I found out I was pregnant with you?"

"Is this going to cheer me up? Cuz I need cheering up, ok?"

"Getting there. I'd met the man of my dreams, I wanted to travel the world, fuck on every beach in India, be in love, and then I found out I was pregnant."

"I can only apologize." Wow, tell a severely depressed person that she ruined your life. Great job, mum.

"And you know you're dad turned out to be a shitty little prick, and it was all a little bit rubbish. Until you made my life complete. And actually rather fucking wonderful."

"I did that?"

"Wasn't expecting it. The people who make us happy are never the people we expect. So when you find someone, you've got to cherish it."

"Thanks for the fucking bible lesson, Gina."

"When did you stop calling me mum? God, I'm a terrible mother."

"You're not a terrible mother, _mum. _You can be a cow sometimes but I never think that you're a bad mother. I wasn't thinking of you these past weeks."

"Look, honey, all I want you to know is that you mean something to me. You're actually everything to me. If you were to kill yourself, I'd never forgive myself. I'd never-" she began to choke up "-I'd never get over it. Never. Remember that, Naomi. Never."

I felt a pang of guilt. I didn't even think of my mum, I was just thinking of myself. I hadn't connected with my friends in a long time, and I didn't love Tom, so they didn't really matter. I really had just forgotten about my mum.

"Ok, mum, it was stupid. I don't know why I did it, I just felt so frustrated and my thoughts were racing and I was so sad. I hadn't even slept for days, my thinking was slightly impaired."

"Well Tom probably wants to say hi, so I'll leave you two to it. I like him. Got to know him a bit on the ride up here. Don't know why we hadn't met before. He got my number out of your stuff, called me actually to let me know what happened. Anyway, bye love."

She got up and left, leaving Tom free to come over. There were tears running down his face. Jesus, what a fucking little girl.

"I don't want to see you, Tom."

"Please, Naomi." Tears were streaming down his face at this point; he looked like a right mess.

"Jesus Christ! Grow a pair, why don't you? I've met girls with more balls than you. Come on over."

He moved to hug me, which I quickly sidestepped. Don't need to get too emotional and shit. I don't know how he puts up with it, all my bullshit. Probably a sick masochist or something. And I'm the sadist that pleases him. We sat down awkwardly; he was still blubbering away.

"Naomi, I love you so much. I want you to know that. I know you broke up with me, but I think we can work it out. In fact I love you so much that I want to have a life with you. I want it all, a house, kids, a dog. What I'm saying, Naomi, is that I'd like to marry you." He got down on one knee and pulled out a small box. "Naomi Campbell, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"


	3. Chapter 3

Jesus Christ, this isn't happening. I look around and great, everyone is looking at us. My mum is practically wetting herself with excitement. This is so not how I wanted this proposal to happen. Which is to say, not at all. I glance back at Tom, who is looking at me with anticipation and hope. God, telling him no would be like kicking a puppy. So I summon all the niceness I have in my body and force out, "Yes, Tom, I'd be, um, delighted. Sounds, er, peachy keen."

He starts crying again then slips the ring on my finger. Pretty good size, actually. He moves to hug me, and this time I feel obliged to let him. Two unlikeable qualities about him, he's a hugger and a crier. Damn. I seriously can't believe that I, Naomi Campbell, am going to marry Tom Weiner. I can tell you this, though, I'm not taking his last name, even if it is pronounced 'whiner'. Tom leans in to kiss me, but I put up my hand blocking his mouth.

"Whoa, boy. Don't get all close to me, ok?"

He looks hurt, and I must admit, I feel a slight pang of guilt. But hey, I just agreed to marry the fool, that should be enough kindness for the day, right? I'm not actually going to marry him, I decide, I'll just stay with him until I get out of this dump. Agreeing to get married looks like you're being hopeful and seeing into the future. Or at least I hope that's the impression that the staff gets. Yeah, I'm a cold-hearted bitch. He jabbers away for a few more minutes, talking about telling his friends, telling his family, moving into my flat. Wait, what was that last thing?

"Tom," I say, trying to keep my voice even, "You are not going to move into my flat while I'm in here."

"But, honey, it makes sense. We're going to be merging our lives completely soon, so why shouldn't I go ahead and start the process."

"Because I, er, want to help you when you do it. It won't be the same without me helping, will it?"

"God, I completely ignored your feelings. Please forgive me." He's like a trained seal, being the fucking perfect boyfriend, excuse me, fiance. I really don't know what I did to deserve him, but I'm sure as hell not worthy. I'm getting tired of putting on this charade of being a loving girlfriend. I want him gone.

"Well, um, dear, you'd better be going now, visiting is almost over," I say cheerfully despite knowing full well that we have a good bit of time left.

"No it's not; we've got another half an hour."

"Do we? Oh well, bye anyway." I give him one last vomit inducing hug, even throw in a free kiss on the cheek, and then he and mum are gone. I stumble back to my room, entirely worn out from my encounters with the two of them. I'm surprised to see Emily in the room, after all her sister is here. Her eyes are puffy and red; there's even a tear or two dribbling down her face.

I don't know what it is, but I've got like this sisterly instinct or some shit to go over and give her a hug. There something ferocious in my gut that tells me I need to make it better. I'm a bitch, I know, but there is just something about her that looks so broken that I just want it to go away.

"Sorry," she mumbles, "I didn't know you were coming back. And congratulations on your engagement. I'm really happy for you."

"Thanks," I force out with a saccharin smile, "Er, what's wrong?"

She looks pained, "Nothing really. Just, you know, _stuff_."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Her face turns, then, "I guess. I mean there's such an abundance of therapists here, but I don't want to talk to them, they just seem so fucking perfect so they won't understand. So, yeah, I'd like to talk. Even though it only shows how pathetic I am." I nod for her to continue.

"My sister, well she's pregnant. Gonna marry the baby's father. And I can't be there. I won't get to see her wedding or witness the birth of my niece or nephew. Jesus, I won't even be able to hold him. And me, I've never had that chance. I'm, er, gay." she looks at me as if she asking permission.

"That's cool, I'm bi," I say with an encouraging smile.

"Yeah, so I didn't realize it until a couple of weeks after I was in here. Anyway my behavior precluded me from ever having a boyfriend, and I obviously never had a girlfriend. I was sixteen when this starting happening to me. The psychosis and shit. So now here I am at 23, never having fucking had anyone. Never having felt love. You're lucky, you have someone that you love. I'll probably never have that."

I reach over and pull her into a tight hug as she cries.

"Better not hug me anymore, we're not allowed to touch," she sighs out as she makes no move to leave my arms.

"I don't care about the fucking rules. Anyway, love's just a myth. Tom? I don't love him."

"Christ, why'd you agree to marry him then?"

"Because he loves me. And I want to get out of here. You know, convince them I'm hopeful about the future so they'll think I'm less depressed."

"So you're stringing the poor bastard along? That's cruel."

I don't know why, but I'm stung. Maybe it's because she seems so pure and innocent. "I'm, I'm not stringing him along. I just, well, I just, I don't even know. Maybe I am just a horrible person."

Emily shrugs nonchalantly. "Maybe."

We sit silently, wrapped up tightly in our own thoughts.

"Ladies and gentlemen, it is time for group therapy and group bonding activities. Please report to the lobby."

I feel pangs of guilt as we shuffle out of the room. I can't stop thinking about what Emily said, about not having anyone. I do and I pretty much treat him like shit. Next time he comes round I'll be nicer, I promise myself. _Who are you trying to kid? You're bitch, you don't deserve anyone._ Goddamn, I hate my mind sometimes.

The other patients are sitting in the lounging in the lobby: Effy and Panda are in conversation; Cook is making some joke to Freddie and JJ.

"Good, you're all here," says Eliza, the head nurse. "We'll be starting then. First activity of the day is an icebreaking activity so we can all get to know Naomi. Imagine you're on a desert island, what would you bring?"

"Oi, that's a stupid game," Cooks yells out. Tosser.

"That's because you only like drinking games," JJ says with a laugh, "And I don't think that they'd allow you to drink in this institution, the risk concerning alcoholic consumption and psychotropic medication is great; it would be a large liability."

"Thanks for the lesson, mate," Cook snorts out, reaching over and ruffling JJ's hair.

"James, no patient to patient touching, you know that."

"Sorry, babe, I forgot," He shrugs and ruffles JJ's hair again.

"Well, Naomi, would you like to begin?"

"Ok, I guess I'd bring a good book."

"Good choice, Naomi, thank you for your input. Pandora, what would you bring?"

"I don't know. Effy, what would I bring?"

"Doughnuts," Effy says emotionlessly.

"Yeah, right, doughnuts!"

"Er, thanks Pandora, Effy. Freddie, would you like to go next?"

"I'd bring my skateboard. God, I haven't ridden it in what, five months?"

"Not sure if there would be places to ride it, mate," Cooks grins toothily.

"Thanks Freddie. Cook, you're up next."

"Right-o. Um, let's see. I would, I would bring a crate of spliff, a shitload of vodka, and let's see, enough pussy to last me a lifetime." Sounds good to me.

"Shit, Cook, do you have to make everything dirty? Can't you treat women with respect, for once? Maybe that's why no one will bother to fuck you," Emily says disdainfully.

"Fucking yeah, I'm dirty! Women love dirty, you'd do well to take a lesson from me. How much ass did you get before? None? Yeah, I can tell you're a virgin. Will be for the rest of your life. You're never getting out of here."

"Cook," the nurse chastises, "That's inappropriate."

Emily's eyes are beginning to well up with tears. I feel a pang in my heart, because maybe I'm not such a frigid bitch.

"Hey, Cook, go fuck yourself. That's the most you'll be getting for a long time, cuz it's not like you'll be getting out anytime soon either."

Cook's nostrils flare and he looks ready to burst. Shit, he has intermittent explosive disorder, maybe it wasn't the best idea to bait him. He looks to Eliza who says, "Deep breaths, James, deep breaths." How utterly unhelpful. Somehow though, Cook's breathing steadies and he looks calm again.

"Excellent job controlling your anger, James, really good," Eliza crows. "Now, ladies and gentlemen, we're going to do another ice breaker. Two truths and a lie. Tell your partner two truths and one lie about yourself. We'll try and guess which ones are which. Ok, JJ and Effy, Pandora and Cook, Freddie with me, and Emily with Naomi."

We separate and Emily and I go over into the corner. She taps her pencil, which as a small golf pencil without an eraser, (guess you could cut yourself with the metal part of a regular pencil) not saying a word, though she looks like she wants to get out something.

"Hey-"

"Look-" We both talk at the same time. I say,"You first."

"I just, well, I wanted to thank you for what you said."

"Oh, no problem, he was being an arrogant asshole. So two truths and a lie, eh?"

"Seems like it. Ok, first truth: my favorite color is orange. Your turn."

"I work at a charity. Second truth?"

"I have a twin sister, Katie."

I snort, "That's an awful truth, Em, everyone know you have a twin sister. Might as well say "I have brown eyes, that'd be about as subtle."

"Hey, don't make fun of me, I have diminished brain function."

I can tell she's joking so I follow up with, "Yep, making fun of the schizos is practically my favorite sport. Only thing I like more than that is cutting." I chuckle, but I stop when I see her face.

Emily frowns at my words, "You cut?" She sounds concerned.

I've never really been ashamed of my cutting, because really it's my body to do what I please with, but as her gaze turns to my arms, I'm glad I'm wearing long sleeves. "Er, yeah, but that's another story. Let's get back to this super fun activity. So, tell me a _good_ truth. You know, one that people might actually not believe."

"Ok, when I was little, I was a champion figure skater."

"Wow, I'm impressed. That's really cool." I don't know what's going on with me; I'm being cordial, kind, sounding interested in what someone else is saying, where is the real me? Guess Emily is stirring up some sisterly feelings. Yep, that's what it is.

"So mine is that, um, I lived in a communal living house when I was a teenager."

She raises her eyebrows and says sarcastically, "Fun."

"Completely. More fun than a barrel of monkeys. More fun than Kate Moss at a crack convention. More fun than your mum at an S and M club." Emily giggles. "More fun than Michael Jackson at a kid's birthday party. Too soon?"

"You're pretty funny, Naomi. You could totally be a comedian," she laughs out.

"Oh yeah, I'd get all the ladies with my signature blend of wit and utter hotness,"

"Yeah, well, you could certainly pull me," Emily says with a shy smile.

"Really? Then I'll have to look into it." Damn, are we flirting? _Yes._ I can't believe I'm flirting with a mental patient. _You are a mental patient, loser_. I wrack my brains for something else funny to say, but I'm interrupted by Eliza.

"We're meeting back up in one minute. That's sixty seconds from now, folks."

We quickly exchange our lies, then meet back up with the group.


	4. Chapter 4

"So, JJ, you and Effy will go first."

"Um, that's the thing, Effy, er, didn't tell me what her two truths and a lie were, so I just didn't know what to do."

Eliza looks pissed off. "Elizabeth, how many times have we told you that you have to be responsive to the therapy in order to get released. Do you not want to get released, Elizabeth?"

"This is a stupid exercise, Eliza. We don't care to know each other; in real life I wouldn't be friends with Emily or Naomi or JJ."

"But you'd fuck me, wouldn't you, babe?" Cook yells out obnoxiously. What a fucking douchebag.

Effy grins, an 'I suck cock for money' kind of smile, and says, "Maybe. You'll never know, though, will you."

Cook smiles toothily back at her, "Well, we can find out when we get out, yeah? You'll look me up, ok? I'll be waiting for your call."

He looks so fucking sincere that I realize something: he's in love with her. Freddie is staring murderously at him. Jesus, does he like her too? It seems that despite Effy's seemingly constant silence, Cook and Freddie are interested in her, and Pandora's like her fucking BFF. I know that Emily said that she and Effy weren't friends, but I wonder is she is secretly enthralled by her as well. I feel a ping of something unpleasant in my gut at the thought, which I chalk down to my sisterly feelings towards Emily. Wouldn't want my 'little sister' involved with someone like Effy. Yeah, that's it.

"Cook, there's to be no contact with anyone you meet here after you are released, alright? And ladies and gentlemen, we've unfortunately reached the end of our time for group. We're going to have check-ins next, then dinner. We'll finish this tomorrow. Effy, you're up first. Follow me."

Effy and Eliza disappear to one of many doctor's rooms on the ward.

"So what do we do now?" I ask Emily, "More worksheets?"

"Nope, we play games or watch movies until our check-ins. C'mon let's play cards. We'll play go fish!" Her face lights up with excitement. Damn, she's really cute when she gets excited. We walk over to the table; Emily calls over to Pandora, and soon we're situated.

"Jack of spades?"

"Go fish."

I sigh, we've been playing for going on a half an hour, and I getting quite bored. I'm rescued when Dr. Phillips comes out and calls, "Naomi Campbell, please come in so we can check in with you."

"Well that's my cue, guys, it's been fun." I walk into the room with the doctor and a therapist. Sally, I think her name is.

"So, Naomi, how are you doing today?"

I shrug, "Fine."

"I heard you got engaged, that's certainly exciting, isn't it?"

I smile widely, fakely, and say, "Yeah, I'm just really excited for it. My boyfriend, excuse me, _fiance_, Tom, is just great. We've been together for what, a year and half I think, and still going strong."

"That's odd, Tom told us that you were broken up recently."

Damn him! "Um, well we were, but apart from that and a few other little breakups, we're doing well."

"He also said that you were engaging to promiscuous behavior for the two weeks before you were admitted. Care to discuss?"

"I was, um, horny."

Sally and Dr. Phillips share a look. "So, Naomi, how was your mindset before your, um, attempt?"

"Are you fucking with me? It was bad. My thoughts were going a million miles an hour, I was depressed as hell, I was frustrated and angry. I didn't even sleep in the two weeks before I did it. Last night was the first night I got more than two hours of sleep in a long time."

Dr. Phillips nods, "Well, it sounds like you were having a mixed episode. Suicide attempts are very common in these types of episodes. From hearing this and reading your case file, I'd say that you have bipolar disorder. With the right medication and therapy, I'm sure we can get you out of here quickly and safely, so you can go and marry Tom. I'm adding lithium to you prescriptions, ok?"

Bipolar. Fuck, I always thought that people with bipolar were always changing their moods. I node mutely and walk out of the door. Emily meets me in the room; she's just had her check-in as well. I can't stop my tears from falling, because bipolar seems so much worse than just depression.

"Naomi, what's wrong?" she asks, sounding concerned, as she closes the door.

"I don't even know why I'm crying. It's just that, that I'm now considered bipolar, and now I'll have to be on medication for the rest of my life. I don't know why I'm getting so worked up, depression is pretty serious in itself. I'm just so, so unhappy. I feel pathetic."

"Come here," she says motioning with her hand towards her bed. I stumble over, and she envelopes me in a hug as we lay down. I cry all over her shirt as she rubs my back soothingly. Finally, I feel a little more in control of myself and I sit up.

"Thanks, Em, that really helped. You're a good person, you know."

She blushes and mutters something like 'you're too kind', but she smiles, and it pulls on my heartstrings. Here's this really nice girl, and she's stuck in the institution.

"You're the first person who I've really been friends with, Naomi. I mean Effy, well she basically a self centred bitch who doesn't care about anyone 'cept Panda; Panda's a bit off, yeah I know coming from me that seems a bit rich, but she is; Cook's just an ass; Freddie, well he's alright, but a bit boring; and JJ isn't really interested in being friends with me, guess that goes with the whole schizoid thing. So yeah, you're my first real friend since I was sixteen. Congratulations, I guess."

I smile back at her, "You're really nice, you know that, Ems."

We fall into comfortable silence as we wait for dinner to be served.

Emily and I sit together while Effy and Panda sit at the other end of the long table. I'm actually surprisingly hungry considering I'm not a big eater. I'm tucking into my spaghetti when I notice Emily staring at me.

"What are looking at?"

Emily blushes for some reason and says, "Nothing. Maybe I just like looking at your ugly mug!"

"Ah. This face-" I motion to my face "-is that of a goddess, got it?"

"Right. A goddess, huh. What about my face, am I a goddess too?"

So we're back to flirting, I see. "Totally a goddess, Ems, totally."

She grins and my heart melts. Yeah, I know, frigid bitch and everything, but Emily's sweeter than a goddamn lollipop.

"So, Naomi, when are you going to see Tom again?" There's something in her tone, jealously maybe. I guess she wants her new friend all to herself. That's what it has to be.

"I don't know, hopefully never."

She bats my arm, "Don't say that, he's your fucking fiance. You should be all "_Tom, darling, when can I see you again._" She affects the end of her sentence in what I can only think is a horrible attempt at a Southern American accent.  
"First off, never ever talk that way again. Second, just because we're getting married doesn't mean I have to like him."

"I see. So what you're really saying is that you like me more than you like your fiance. That is, if you like me at all. Not that I'm trying to put words in your mouth, it's just that I thought you liked me. Obviously not like _that,_ but all the-"

I put my fingers to her lips relishing the strangely warm feeling in my belly that comes from the contact. "I do like you, Emily, we're friends. And I do like Tom, it's just that he so, well, _loving_. It's smothering."

"I think I would be like that, you know, loving. If I ever get out of here, that's what I'll be like." Her face darkens when she's talking, and I realize how insensitive to be talking about how loving my boyfriend is when she has nobody.

"Look, Ems, you are going to get out eventually. And when you do, you'll find someone perfect for you. Of course, I'll have to screen her to find out if she's good enough for you, but someday a gorgeous, sweet, funny girl is going to fall in love with you, ok?"

Emily looks at me, a shy smile creeping up on her face. "You really think so? I hope so. Blonde, nice legs, and a good personality, that's what I'm looking for."

I feel a lurch in my gut that has nothing to do with my spaghetti. I try to picture Emily with this blonde, and I find myself liking the unknown woman less and less. "Well I don't know anyone besides me with all those wonderful characteristics, so I guess you'll just have to settle for me."

Her face flushes red as she stammers out, "Yeah, guess so."

I wonder why she's acting so strangely. I mull over this as I finish my spaghetti. Emily keeps smiling at me, and though I find it cute, it's unnerving me. "So, Ems, what do you think about the current situation of-"

I'm cut off by Eliza who calls out, "Ladies and gentlemen, dinner is over. Please report to nursing group."

Nursing group? What the fuck is nursing group._ "_Emily, what the hell is nursing group? It sounds like we're all going to, I don't know, nurse like babies."

Emily chuckles, "We just talk and do little activities. It's fun."

"Fun?" I say incredulously. "I can't imagine anything in this hospital being fun."

"You'll get used to it, you'll see."

"Ok, I'll take your word for it. After all you do seem trustworthy," I say with a smile.

"Oh yeah, totally. You know, when I'm not trying to fight off my non-existent enemies and cutting the non-existent microchip planted in my brain."

"Yeah. About that, you seem to be doing much better."

"They switched my meds from risperidone to olanzapine. Changing always makes me symptomatic. But now I'm just going to get fat. That's a big side effect from the olanzapine." She frowns at the last part.

"Ew, gross, I don't think I can be friends with a fattie," I joke, "but I'd make an exception for you, ok?"

"Well, risperidone also makes you fat, so maybe I'll stop being friends with you," she counters back.

"Oh, well in that case, screw you, biotch!" I like our little banter; it's nice having someone to talk to who understands what it's like to not be alright. All my old friends are just so fucking perfect that I want to scream. Am I mean for appreciating Emily's sickness? Maybe.

"So, guys, tonight we're going to talk about guys and girls. Specifically what you look for in them for a relationship."

Emily scowls and says, "Erm, Eliza, not all of us are interested in the other sex, ok?"

Eliza looks miffed, "Emily, most of the other patients are heterosexual so you'll just have to pretend."

"I'm not," I jump in.

"You're not? But you're getting married. To a man."

"Yeah, well, that's post transition. You see, Tom was born, um, Lucy. He's very lucky to have such luck with his operations."

I can see Emily stifling a giggle as Eliza raises her eyebrows in shock.

"Really? He seems so, so _manly_, though."

Jesus Christ, did she actually believe me. I'm going to have to engineer Tom into this plan next time he visits. Which I honestly hope is never.

"Ok, so we're starting now. Guys, what do you look for in a girl?"

A/N: Please review, it makes my day.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: JJ is no longer schizoid. He just has Asperger's, OCD, and depression

Cook grins like a madman (suppose he is actually) and says, "TNA all the way, am I right guys?"

Freddie grins lecherously and gives him a high five. "Yeah, man."

JJ smiles and says, "I would look for a nice personality, good sense of humor, empathetic, kind, that sort of thing."

"Then you wouldn't want me," I snort, "I'm got a shit personality, no empathy, and I'm a complete bitch. So guys, who'd want me?"

Emily looks at me with a pained expression on her face, "Don't say that Naomi, there are plenty of people who would want you."

I smile sadly at her, "You have to say that cuz you're my friend."

"No, I don't actually. Personally, I would think you'd be a wonderful person to be in a relationship with. If you gave a shit about it, and put in the work it needs."

I try in vain to stop the smile that's threatening to emerge. "That's sweet of you."

She blushes furiously and says, "It's the truth."

"What's going on here?" Effy asks, as if she already knows the answer. It's the most I've ever heard her speak.

"Nothing," Emily retorts, "Nothing at all is going on. Zip. Nada. Rien."

Effy raises her eyebrows, "You sure about that?"

"Okay, ladies and gentlemen, we need to get back on task. Girls, what do you look for in a guy. Or a girl, if you're so inclined."

"I'll go first," Emily pipes up. "Let's see, first I'd want, like JJ said, a good sense of humor. Next I'd want someone who is understanding and non-judgmental. Um, they'd have to be good with kids and animals. And old people."

"Old people!" Cook hoots, "Fucking priceless, Fitch!"

"What?" Emily retorts, "If a girl is good with old people it means she's caring and kind. I guess you don't care about that kind of thing, you're just into 'TNA'."

"Too right I am!" he yells getting a high five from Freddie and JJ. "Am I right, blondie, is that what you look for?"

I assume he is speaking to me, so I answer, "No. I'd rather have someone sweet, who cares about old people, who wants kindness and not prejudice."

"That sounds a bit like Emily," Effy says with a wicked grin.

Emily is beet red at this point. "I, er, don't think Naomi meant it like that, did you Naomi?"

I look at her face. I can't for the life of me figure out which way she wants this to go, so I take a deep breath and go with, "Well, to be honest, I was thinking of Emily when I said that. I'd be more than happy to enter into a relationship with her."

Eliza looks perturbed, "Patient to patient contact is strictly forbidden, you two both know that, right?"

"Relax," Effy says with a smirk, "Naomi is already involved Tom. Or Lucy, whichever he chooses to go by."

Eliza sighs loudly and lays her head down on the table sadly. "Geez, guys, you couldn't have made the effort just this once. Group's adjourned early, we'll finish up next time. It's time for showers and phone calls now."

Emily and I walk back into our room silently. She's stilling blushing furiously, making her face the color of her hair. We sit on the bed.

"Did you really mean what you said back there?"

My head is throbbing, and I know this will end with me being short with her. "I said a lot of things, Ems, which one?"

"The, er, one where you said that you would be happy to enter into a relationship with me. That one."

"Oh. _That_ one. Sure I meant it. You're hot, genuinely kind, pretty funny, 'specially when you don't take your meds. If this was a different world, then yeah we might hook-up."

"Hook-up as in a quick shag, or hook-up as in getting into a relationship?"

"Either or. I don't fucking know, Emily. It's not like we're ever really going to get together. We're in the fucking loony bin, we're both complete basket cases. I mean I'm bipolar, you're schizo, how could it ever work?"

"Oh, so a person with manic depression can't find love. A schizophrenic won't get happiness. Screw that, and screw you !" She huffs angrily and climbs into bed. "You shower first."

I clamber into the small shower and turn on the hot water. I feel it pulsing down my body as I let all of my stress out. Why was Emily so offended at the thought that we would never get together? Unless, unless of course she has a crush on me. The realization hits him like an atomic bomb. _Emily_ likes me. Emily _likes_ me. Emily likes _me_. Jesus Christ, why didn't I see it earlier. All that flirting had been real for her. I don't want to hurt her anymore than I may have done already, but there's nothing I can do. I mean, I'm already an arsehole to everyone, and pretty much as open as fucking Effy. There's nothing that can be done about Emily's one sided crush. I'll have to let her down easy.


	6. Chapter 6

I towel off my hair and put on some loose pants and a baggy T-shirt. I make my way back into our room, where I see Emily laying on her back, listening to her iPod. "Hey."

She looks up, surprised, and says, "Hey. Look, about earlier-"

"No," I interrupt her, "It was all me. I was completely out of line. I'm just frustrated, you know? Being here sucks majorly. And it's just that, well, I'm a bitch to everyone. I mean look at Tom, I treat him like shit and he's been with me for almost two years."

"You don't have to be a bitch. I believe with all my heart that when you find the right person, you won't be a bitch to him or her. That person is not Tom."

I feel a surge of anger at her words, who is she to judge who is right for me? I force it down, though, because I've already hurt her enough for one day. "Tom could be it for me. Maybe I'm just damaged material, and I'll never find anyone, not truly."

Emily's eyes are filled with sadness. "Naomi, I really hope that you're not serious. I have only a slight chance of ever getting out of here, but I still have hope of finding someone and spending the rest of my life with her."

"I'm glad you're optimistic." She nods, then strips off her shirt and pants. Holy shit. My mouth grows dry. She has a really fit body for someone who presumably never gets to go to the gym. She follows my eyes.

"You like?" she asks cheekily.

"Um, um, what?" I ask stupidly. Damn, Naomi, you shouldn't be having these thoughts about her.

"I said-" she comes closer, leaning over my body, "-do you like what you see?"

I feel my head nod as my mind screams "hot girl, hot girl".

"Good," she says, her tone husky. "I'm just going to shower now."

I nod blankly as I try in vain not to stare at her tits. I fail. She grins at me, fully aware of what I'm doing and walks into the bathroom. I can hear the shower over my thundering heart. Jesus, what's wrong with me? I think she's hot? _Definitely_, my mind says, _she's extremely sexy. Imagine her writhing underneath you, begging for release_. Who am I to argue with my mind, so I do imagine it. I'm getting wet just thinking about it. Emily, topless and without cares, moaning beneath me, panting "Naomi". I slide my hand down into my pants, aching for some contact.

I'm almost there as I hear the shower turn off. Oh shit, this better be quick. I finish with a quietly moaned "Emily", and I pull my hand out of my knickers. Emily comes out of the door, dripping wet and wearing a skimpy towel. I swallow hard. She smiles as she turns to look at me, grinning even harder when she sees my wet, slick hand and labored breathing.

"Having some fun, Naomi?" she teases lightly as she walks over to my bed, where I'm paralyzed.

"Eurgh," I manage to say, because really, Emily's tits are far too distracting. Before I know what's happening, Emily grabs my hand and sucks on my fingers, moaning and rolling her eyes back into her head as she does so. I feel a gush of liquid in my panties at the sight.

"Mmm, delicious." I'm dumbstruck, left laying completely still as Emily walks towards to dresser. She pulls on some clothes, stealing glances of me watching her as she does so.

"Do you often do this with your roommates?" I say, slowly regaining control of my mind.

"Do what?" she asks playfully.

"You know what."

"Hmm, short answer is no." She looks suddenly nervous and scared and completely fucking adorable. "You're the first actually. I hope it's okay. I mean I thought you wanted me to do it, but if it wasn't cool with you, then just tell me." She looks so bewildered and scared that my heart melts.

"No, no. It was, um, very cool. I need another cold shower now." I joke. _Jesus, that sounds like __you're pervy._ Well she did just lick my fingers dry, I really don't think I should be worried about being pervy.

"Well, guess I'd better get to bed then."

"Good night," I say, my mind racing.

She climbs into her bed, and before too long I can hear her breathing steady. Meanwhile I am in the midst of some sort of mental affliction. My thoughts are going so fast I can barely control them. _Emily_. Sex. _Tom._ Hate. _Running away_. Getting locked up.

My legs are jittery and I feel like going for a run. Jesus, I feel good. I stand up quickly, shaking my limbs. I lean over Emily.

"Emily. Emily. Emily!" I whisper with increasing volume.

"What the fuck are you doing Naomi?" she ask sleepily, rubbing her eyes.

"Hey, I've just got the most wonderful, fantastical idea. We should blow this popsicle stand and go and get some pizza. Jesus Christ, I'd like some pizza!"

"What was that? You were talking _way_ too fast for me to keep up."

"You. Me. Pizza." I enunciate slowly.

"We can't go get pizza," she says. Christ she talks slow. I'm practically jumping up and down.

"But, Ems, I want pizza." My voice is getting louder and louder.

"Shh!" Her eyes are wide now, she's completely awake now.

I'm suddenly struck with a sexual urge towards her. I leap on top of her and begin to assault her neck with kisses. She moans but tries to push me off. "Naomi, stop. STOP!"

I pull back, confused. "What's wrong, Ems? You want this, I want this, what's the problem?"

"You're not being yourself. You're manic, Naomi. That's why you want this." She sounds resigned as she slips out of the bed.

"Nurse!" she calls out, "We need some help in here."

A night nurse comes in and looks between us. "What's happened then?"

"Naomi is acting bizarrely, I think she's manic."

"Alrighty, Naomi, come closer. I'm going to give you this, it's seroquel. It'll help you sleep, okay?"

I shake my head angrily. "I don't need sleep. I'm better than you. Better than all of you"! I spin wildly around as the nurse yells for help. Two burly men come in, and one pins me down while the other pushes a needle into me. My vision clouds, then it's darkness.

I awake to an immensely blinding headache. "Holy shit," I murmur as I practically fall out of bed. I look over to see Emily sitting on her bed, staring at me anxiously.

"Hi," she says apprehensively, "How are you doing?"

I take a few seconds to assess myself. Apart from the headache, I feel fucking amazing. Even though I'm in a mental institution, there's so much that can be done. I grin widely and tell her, "Fucking top notch. I'm excellent. You?"

"Excellent? What do you mean by excellent?" She sounds nervous.

"I mean top quality happiness." I leap up from the bed and yell at the top of my lungs, "I'm on top of the world!"

"Jesus, you're still manic, aren't you."

I feel a surge of of energy and anger at her words. "No, no, no! I am _not_ manic. Just because I have the bestest happiness in all the planets does not mean that I'm manic! What the fuck is manic anyway. You, you're trying to steal my happiness away!" I realize with growing horror that Emily, sweet innocent Emily, has obviously been sent by someone to steal away this growing happiness that I have.

"I've got to escape!" I shout, running out of the room, thrusting my arms in the air.

"Wait!" Emily calls, "Be careful, your brain chip is malfunctioning! They could kill you at any time! If you run away, they'll get you!"

We're both running towards the exit by now, hurtling towards Effy and Freddie who are silently eating their breakfasts. A nurse shouts something, but I don't care. I slam into the door, desperately trying to open it, Emily hot on my heels.

"Shit! Fuck! Goddammit!" I swear angrily, seeing that it's locked.

Emily grabs my head and pulls me down to the ground. "Snap out of it, Naomi, the chip is causing you to think like this. Goddammit, please return to normal. It's all my fault, if I hadn't told you about the chip, they wouldn't have done this." She's straddling me now, and I'm turned on. I can't recall the last time I've ever felt so horny. Certainly not with Tom.

Tears are streaming down Emily's face as she moans, "The chip, the chip."

A nurse rushes over to us; she looks extremely concerned. "Emily, are you alright?"

Emily turns to her, a hateful scowl on her face. "What do you care, you put the chip in my brain, you bitch."

I struggle to release myself from Emily's vice grip. "Get off me! I need to escape!"

"No, they'll get you! I can't let them hurt you!"

We've attracted the attention of the other patients. Cook is hooting with laughter at our struggle, while Freddie and JJ look concerned. I manage to throw Emily off; she's lands with a resounding thwack on the floor, clawing at my ankles. I begin to pound at the door, yelling "Let me out!" over and over again. The nurses are shouting to each other, and Emily's a sobbing wreck on the floor. A burly male nurse walks over to me, shaking a bottle of pills in his hand.

"Naomi, I want to help you, yeah? Let me help you. Just take this pill alright? It'll make everything easier."

"Noooo" I howl as I ram my shoulder into the door. "You're trying to steal my happiness, you're trying to take it and manufacture it and give it to the masses, leaving me a complete mess. See, no one in the history of forever has been as happy as I am now. Jesus Christ, I'm special, aren't I. I'm meant to do something, spread this happiness, and you're not going to take it from me. Fuck off!"

He shakes his head and grabs me roughly, motioning for another nurse to come over. This one is holding a needle.

"What the fuck is that?" Emily cries out, throwing herself on top of me and the nurse with an 'oomph'. "Don't hurt her, she's my friend. I'm the one with a malfunctioning chip, I'm the one who is going to start the rebellion against the aliens and health care!"

I feel a protective surge go through my body, "No! Don't inject Emily, she's done nothing wrong. I'm the one who's happiness needs harvesting!"

Three more nurses come out of the nursing station and grab Emily, shoving her into a straight jacket. She begins to shriek loudly as she's dragged to one of the confinement rooms. I feel a sharp pinch in my shoulder, and then the world turns black.

I crack my eyes open, the bright lights overhead causing me to immediately close them again. I feel weird, light almost. Certainly not as euphoric as before, calmer. I sit up from the bed to see Dr. Phillips looking at me inquisitively. "Hello, Naomi. How are you?"

I think about it for a second, "Pretty good, not great. Why?"

"Why? Do you remember what happened earlier today?"

I wrack my brains and, oh God, what the fuck had I been thinking. "Er, yeah. About that. I really have no idea why I was acting that way." I'm flooded with embarrassment. Never have I ever acted that way before.

"So it seems that the addition of the sertraline caused you to get manic. We're going to reduce the dose for that and increase your lithium. If that doesn't stabilize your moods then we're going to try Depakote. Right, so I'm going to leave you to rest now. We'll discuss this further later." She makes to leave but I interrupt her.

"Where's Emily?"

She frowns, "Emily is seeing another doctor right now, but she'll be out soon. I'm a bit concerned that you two might be getting a little too close. This isn't summer camp, you know."

I nod and say gravely, "Oh yes, we're not too close. Not at all," because really, I don't want Effy for a roommate.

"Okay, so I'll talk to you later. Bye."

I shake my head and lean back on the bed. Jesus Christ, what the hell is wrong with me?


	7. Chapter 7

I lay in my bed feeling dreamy. Dr Phillips told me they had given me a sedative laced with a benzodiazepine called lorezepam. What the hell, why not throw in some speed too? I pull the covers up tight around me; I'm as cold as ice and wondering when Emily is coming back. My head feels a little woozy, so I close my eyes, just for a second

I wake up feeling rejuvenated, like I've been asleep for years. Emily's writing in her journal, huddled over it, red hair spilling everywhere.

"Hey," I say as I come up behind her. She jumps, closing the journal quickly.

"Didn't see you there, Naomi," she says, breathing heavily.

"Sorry. And, er, sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to throw you off quite so forcefully."

"Oh," she blushes scarlet, "It was my fault mainly, shouldn't have leaped on you. I'm more than a bit embarrassed."

"Don't be. I thought I had invented happiness, how bizarre is that?"

She laughs, "Pretty goddamn bizarre. Not as bad as thinking aliens had put chips in people's brains, though, is it?"

"We're a right fucked up pair, aren't we?"

"Yeah. We could be a sideshow at a circus. Emily the delusional and Naomi the, er, _exuberant_."

I laugh. "Who's the comedian now, Ems?" I tease lightly.

"Or maybe we'd be a comedy duo. God's knows we're relateable because we're _just like everyone else_."

"Lol, yeah. So what are you writing about, huh?"

"Nothing," she says quickly, hiding the book in her arms. My curiosity is piqued. I make a move to grab it.

"C'mon, let me see it!" I demand.

"No!" she squeals. Ok, I'm extremely curious now. I rip the book from her arms and open it to the page she was writing on. Yeah, I'm a bitch.

_Dear Diary,_

_So I went completely mental today. Tackled Naomi, and tried to say I would save her from the evil chip people. I'm so fucked up. She'll never like me back, she's too, I don't know, _cool_. Jesus, I never thought I'd find someone in a fucking mental ward._

Emily snatches the journal back, her face red. "Why the fuck did you do that, arsehole?"

"I-I'm sorry," I say, tripping over my words. "Christ, I've fucked up majorly, haven't I?"

"Yes, yes you have. I never intended for you to find out that I like you. I wanted to like you from afar, to just be able to have a crush like a normal person. Just to be able to, to," she breaks off, tears running down her face.

My heart hurts seeing her like this. "Hey," I mumble, wiping her tears from her face, "Don't cry, okay? Everything is going to be okay. So you like me. Who cares? Not me."

She begins to cry harder, "You don't even care!"

"God, I've said the wrong thing again." She nods. "Well I didn't mean to," I add weakly.

"Look, you don't have to be sorry for not feeling the same way, okay Naomi? I don't want your pity."

I take a moment to assess myself. "No pity here, Ems, I really was just surprised."

"Seriously, Naomi? I sucked your fingers after you were, you know, wanking off."

I feel stupid. "Well I'm a pretty sexual, so it's, er, normal for me?"

Emily scowls. "It's normal for you to have girls sucking your fingers? Great, so I have a crush on a slut. Awesome."

Anger wells up inside of me. "Jesus Christ! No, that's not what I meant. I'm not a slut, okay?"

She looks slightly abashed, "You're right, hypersexuality is part of your illness."

"Don't blame this on my illness, it's just who I am alright?"

Her brow furrows. "Look, I think we should just take some time to cool off, we're both a bit upset."

I nod in agreement, and go to sit on my bed. I rub my eyes wearily. So a mental patient has a crush on me, great. Fucking great. She's cute, though, at least it's not some ugly chick. And I do like her, maybe not in the same way she likes me, but I like her all the same. In the real world, I'd probably give her a shot, or at least sleep with her. _Don't dirty her, she's more than the other sluts you've fucked._ Whoa. Where the fuck did that come from? I think hard about Emily. Her red hair (how the fuck does she do that in the hospital), her smile, her adorable button nose, those big chocolate brown eyes, the raspy way she laughs. Oh my God, I have some sort of school girl crush on her!

I try to surreptitiously look over at her. She has her head on the pillow and is humming some some song that she's listening to on her iPod. I walk over to her bed and cough loudly. She looks up at me in confusion.

"I thought we were going to be apart for a little while," she says slowly, as if I'm a naughty child.

"Yeah, I know, it's just that, well, um, what are you listening to?"

She scrunches up her face, Christ, don't think that's cute, Naomi, don't think that's cute. "Carissa's Wierd. Spelled W-I-E-R-D. Ignorant Piece of Shit."

"Hmm. That's _weird,_" I say with a lame chuckle. She smiles weakly up at me."Hey, I don't want things to be strange between us, okay? We can be friends, yeah?"

She nods and smiles in a strained way. "Yeah, friends. We'll be BFFs."

I grin back at her, "Well I'm usually a shit friend, but I'll try my hardest."

"You've been a good friend to me so far." She grabs my hand and rubs it reassuringly. "Oh my God, they've sent you to spy on me, haven't they? I can't believe I've been so blind. I thought you were my friend." She gives me a little shove.

"Ems, no I haven't. I'm just a semi-normal person. I am your friend, don't worry about it."

"Haha! That's what they'd like me to believe. Oh yes, they've tricked me good!" She gets a strange expression on her face and silently moves her lips, eyes turned upward.

"What are you doing, Emily?"

She stops her silent talking and turns to me. "I'm sending them a message. In my brain. Like you don't know."

"I don't," I plead with her, grabbing her arm. Big mistake. She whirls around and punches me hard in the nose. I feel a squirt of blood come out as I try to restrain her.

"Emily, no!" I yell as I pull her towards the bed. I keep her in my grip as she fights against me. Eventually her breathing steadies, and she becomes calm.

"Fuck," she mutters, tears rolling down her face.

I stand up and get some paper towels from the bathroom. I wipe my nose off, and sit on the bed with her. "Em, it's okay. You can't help it."

"No, it's not fucking okay," she snaps angrily. "Sorry, didn't mean to be snippy, but I just can't take it. I want to be normal. I want to go out in the street and not think people are watching me, I want to be able to date someone without thinking they're a spy, I want to watch the telly without finding secret codes in it."

"You'll get there someday. I truly believe you will."

A small grin creeps up on her face "Really?"

"Really truly. Now let's go outside and play cards, yeah?"

"Okay."

We go into the lounge, where a nurse immediately descends upon us. "Naomi, what in God's name happened to your nose?" She looks at Emily accusingly.

"Um, er, I, uh, got a nosebleed."

She squints her eyes and says, "Really? You got a nosebleed that made your nose turn completely red. Sounds weird."

I force a smile. "Yes, ma'am."

"Okay, but if these _nosebleeds_ start to get to you, and you want a change of scenery, just tell me, alright?"

"Sure. We're just going to play cards now, is that okay?"

"Whatever you want, girls. We're having snack in about fifteen minutes, though."

Pandora and Effy are sitting in the only comfortable chairs in the hospital, so Emily and I have to make do with the remaining rickety old seats. Cook and JJ are chatting and laughing, though Freddie is noticeably absent. "Want to play cards?"

JJ replies, "I'd rather not, but thanks for the offer."

"Nah, mate," Cook says shaking his head.

Pandora leaps up excitedly. "Whizzer!"

Effy looks bored, but she comes over as well.

"This will be well fun," Emily says with a smile, "We never have four people to play progressive rummy."

The rules are quickly explained to me, and we commence with the game. Emily wins the first hand, but Effy gets the next three, despite her silence.

"Queen Victoria made up this game just for me," Pandora says, leaning towards me. I laugh uncertainly, not sure if she's joking. "Hey now, I'm serious. She made it up for me!"

Emily reaches over and grabs her hand. "Panda, no. We've been over this, nobody made anything especially for you." I know it's a bit mean, but I find it highly amusing that Emily, of all people, is lecturing Panda on what's real and what's not.

"Let her have her fun, Emily. God knows we need enough of it." It's the most I've ever heard Effy say.

"It's not good for someone to live outside reality for a long time," Emily argues.

Effy sneers, "You're really one to talk. Not like you're going to ever be in reality completely. You'll be delusional for the rest of your life."

I feel anger rising up in me. "Don't talk to her that way," I say quietly.

Effy turns to me with a knowing look. "Got a crush on her, huh? Want to fuck little Miss Crazy? She's probably mad for a shag. Did you know that she tried to seduce me when I first got here?"

I feel my blood boil. I try hard not to think of Emily seducing Effy. It hurts too much. Emily looks at Effy, "You fucking lying bitch! You tried to screw me! And I may be delusional but at least I'm good as a person. You're just a soulless cunt. And you know what? No one will ever love you truly, you'll end up alone!"

I know enough about Borderline Personality Disorder to know that it's a low blow. Abandonment is a major fear for those with it. Effy's face crumbles, "Don't say that. It's not, it's not true." A tear leaks down her face. I look at Emily reproachfully who challenges me with a look right back. I pull her aside.

"Emily, that was out of line," I murmur, looking into her eyes. She turns to me, anger lighting up her features.

"Out of line? Are you shitting me? Whose side are you on, Naomi? The bitch's?"

"No, I'm on your side-" I'm interrupted by Cook, who is running towards us at full speed.

"You hurt Effy!" he roars, grabbing Emily by the neck and slamming her down to the ground. He pounds into her face with his fist. His other hand hits her in the gut with a sickening crack. I try desperately to pull him off. Using my full weight, I manage to get him away. I can't see Emily in pain any longer.

"Cook, it was me! I made Effy cry, not Ems," I cry out desperately. He yells loudly, and grabs the back of my head, then slams my face against the wall. I feel my nose break. The nurses are running around frantically, trying to find Jeff, the burly male nurse. Cook lands another hard punch to my jaw, which feels like it's breaking. I fall to the ground, at which point he lands a kick to my side before stomping on my face. The world turns black for yet another time.

There's a dull burning pain in my face when I wake up. It feels like someone's just run over my face with a steamroller. I squeeze my eyes and look around the room. Emily's staring at me pensively. She clearly been crying.

"Hey," she says quietly, "How are you doing?"

"Mmm, fine. How are you doing, that's what's more important."

"No! I got us into this situation in the first place. It's all my fault," she wails sadly.

I get up and walk over to her. Jesus, I'm sore. I place my arm around her, which she quickly shrugs off.

"Fuck off, Naomi! It's my fucking fault and you're still being so sweet. I don't deserve your kindness."

"Don't say that, Emily. You are worth it. I'd do it again in a heartbeat."

She claws at her face, her head swathed in bandages. "No, no, no! Why? Why do you care so much? I'm just a schizophrenic loser."

I reach over and grab her face, forcing her to look me in the eyes. "Never say that. You're not a loser. And I do care. You're one of the sweetest, nicest people I've ever met. And I kind of really like you."

"You like me? As in 'woohoo, we're bestest buddies' or 'I want to fuck you'?"

"Neither. Both. I like you as a friend, and as more."

Her mouth forms a round "O". "Oh. Really?"

"Yeah, really." She smirks and leans against me.

"Never do that again or I'll be majorly pissed, yeah?"

"Can't promise that, Ems, but I'll try to protect you better in the future."

"We'll protect each other, okay?" I nod. She leans closer.

"Maybe a kiss would make it better?" She sounds so nervous and insecure that I about burst with happiness at her adorableness.

"Yes, yes I think that would help." She smiles and comes close to my face. She brushes the lightest of kisses along my jaw, before moving upwards to my nose. I wince.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry! Did I hurt you?"

"Nope. Takes more than that to hurt me. Speaking of which, how hurt are we?"

"Well you had a dislocated jaw, a broken nose, and two broken ribs. I have four broken ribs and a broken collarbone. We both have concussions, so it's no sleep for us."

"Ouch. What's going to happen to Cook?"

Emily scowls, "Two days in solitary."

"Are you serious? That's all? He fucking assaulting us. I want to press charges."

"They're strongly recommending against pressing charges. Basically it means they'll fuck us over if we press charges. They're all about rehabilitation, not prison time, God knows he's had enough of both."

"Oh. Okay then. Maybe it'd be better if you'd kiss me again?"

She grins widely. "Here?" she asks, pressing a kiss to my cheek.

"No." I say with a smile.

"Here?" She kisses my jaw softly.

"Nope."

"Here," she says, brushing a feather soft kiss across my lips.

"Here," I agree, grazing my lips over hers again. We're both too sore and damaged to do anything else, so we lay back and relax. Worries quickly overtake me.

"How would we ever make this work, Ems? I mean, I'm bipolar and you're schizophrenic."

"And you're engaged to Tom," she adds, "But we don't need to worry about that now or worry 'cause we're 'mentally unwell'. We'll just sit here and enjoy each other's company during our convalescence."


	8. Chapter 8

I lay in my bed feeling dreamy. Dr Phillips told me they had given me a sedative laced with a benzodiazepine called lorezepam. What the hell, why not throw in some speed too? I pull the covers up tight around me; I'm as cold as ice and wondering when Emily is coming back. My head feels a little woozy, so I close my eyes, just for a second

I wake up feeling rejuvenated, like I've been asleep for years. Emily's writing in her journal, huddled over it, red hair spilling everywhere.

"Hey," I say as I come up behind her. She jumps, closing the journal quickly.

"Didn't see you there, Naomi," she says, breathing heavily.

"Sorry. And, er, sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to throw you off quite so forcefully."

"Oh," she blushes scarlet, "It was my fault mainly, shouldn't have leaped on you. I'm more than a bit embarrassed."

"Don't be. I thought I had invented happiness, how bizarre is that?"

She laughs, "Pretty goddamn bizarre. Not as bad as thinking aliens had put chips in people's brains, though, is it?"

"We're a right fucked up pair, aren't we?"

"Yeah. We could be a sideshow at a circus. Emily the delusional and Naomi the, er, _exuberant_."

I laugh. "Who's the comedian now, Ems?" I tease lightly.

"Or maybe we'd be a comedy duo. God's knows we're relateable because we're _just like everyone else_."

"Lol, yeah. So what are you writing about, huh?"

"Nothing," she says quickly, hiding the book in her arms. My curiosity is piqued. I make a move to grab it.

"C'mon, let me see it!" I demand.

"No!" she squeals. Ok, I'm extremely curious now. I rip the book from her arms and open it to the page she was writing on. Yeah, I'm a bitch.

_Dear Diary,_

_So I went completely mental today. Tackled Naomi, and tried to say I would save her from the evil chip people. I'm so fucked up. She'll never like me back, she's too, I don't know, _cool_. Jesus, I never thought I'd find someone in a fucking mental ward._

Emily snatches the journal back, her face red. "Why the fuck did you do that, arsehole?"

"I-I'm sorry," I say, tripping over my words. "Christ, I've fucked up majorly, haven't I?"

"Yes, yes you have. I never intended for you to find out that I like you. I wanted to like you from afar, to just be able to have a crush like a normal person. Just to be able to, to," she breaks off, tears running down her face.

My heart hurts seeing her like this. "Hey," I mumble, wiping her tears from her face, "Don't cry, okay? Everything is going to be okay. So you like me. Who cares? Not me."

She begins to cry harder, "You don't even care!"

"God, I've said the wrong thing again." She nods. "Well I didn't mean to," I add weakly.

"Look, you don't have to be sorry for not feeling the same way, okay Naomi? I don't want your pity."

I take a moment to assess myself. "No pity here, Ems, I really was just surprised."

"Seriously, Naomi? I sucked your fingers after you were, you know, wanking off."

I feel stupid. "Well I'm a pretty sexual, so it's, er, normal for me?"

Emily scowls. "It's normal for you to have girls sucking your fingers? Great, so I have a crush on a slut. Awesome."

Anger wells up inside of me. "Jesus Christ! No, that's not what I meant. I'm not a slut, okay?"

She looks slightly abashed, "You're right, hypersexuality is part of your illness."

"Don't blame this on my illness, it's just who I am alright?"

Her brow furrows. "Look, I think we should just take some time to cool off, we're both a bit upset."

I nod in agreement, and go to sit on my bed. I rub my eyes wearily. So a mental patient has a crush on me, great. Fucking great. She's cute, though, at least it's not some ugly chick. And I do like her, maybe not in the same way she likes me, but I like her all the same. In the real world, I'd probably give her a shot, or at least sleep with her. _Don't dirty her, she's more than the other sluts you've fucked._ Whoa. Where the fuck did that come from? I think hard about Emily. Her red hair (how the fuck does she do that in the hospital), her smile, her adorable button nose, those big chocolate brown eyes, the raspy way she laughs. Oh my God, I have some sort of school girl crush on her!

I try to surreptitiously look over at her. She has her head on the pillow and is humming some some song that she's listening to on her iPod. I walk over to her bed and cough loudly. She looks up at me in confusion.

"I thought we were going to be apart for a little while," she says slowly, as if I'm a naughty child.

"Yeah, I know, it's just that, well, um, what are you listening to?"

She scrunches up her face, Christ, don't think that's cute, Naomi, don't think that's cute. "Carissa's Wierd. Spelled W-I-E-R-D. Ignorant Piece of Shit."

"Hmm. That's _weird,_" I say with a lame chuckle. She smiles weakly up at me."Hey, I don't want things to be strange between us, okay? We can be friends, yeah?"

She nods and smiles in a strained way. "Yeah, friends. We'll be BFFs."

I grin back at her, "Well I'm usually a shit friend, but I'll try my hardest."

"You've been a good friend to me so far." She grabs my hand and rubs it reassuringly. "Oh my God, they've sent you to spy on me, haven't they? I can't believe I've been so blind. I thought you were my friend." She gives me a little shove.

"Ems, no I haven't. I'm just a semi-normal person. I am your friend, don't worry about it."

"Haha! That's what they'd like me to believe. Oh yes, they've tricked me good!" She gets a strange expression on her face and silently moves her lips, eyes turned upward.

"What are you doing, Emily?"

She stops her silent talking and turns to me. "I'm sending them a message. In my brain. Like you don't know."

"I don't," I plead with her, grabbing her arm. Big mistake. She whirls around and punches me hard in the nose. I feel a squirt of blood come out as I try to restrain her.

"Emily, no!" I yell as I pull her towards the bed. I keep her in my grip as she fights against me. Eventually her breathing steadies, and she becomes calm.

"Fuck," she mutters, tears rolling down her face.

I stand up and get some paper towels from the bathroom. I wipe my nose off, and sit on the bed with her. "Em, it's okay. You can't help it."

"No, it's not fucking okay," she snaps angrily. "Sorry, didn't mean to be snippy, but I just can't take it. I want to be normal. I want to go out in the street and not think people are watching me, I want to be able to date someone without thinking they're a spy, I want to watch the telly without finding secret codes in it."

"You'll get there someday. I truly believe you will."

A small grin creeps up on her face "Really?"

"Really truly. Now let's go outside and play cards, yeah?"

"Okay."

We go into the lounge, where a nurse immediately descends upon us. "Naomi, what in God's name happened to your nose?" She looks at Emily accusingly.

"Um, er, I, uh, got a nosebleed."

She squints her eyes and says, "Really? You got a nosebleed that made your nose turn completely red. Sounds weird."

I force a smile. "Yes, ma'am."

"Okay, but if these _nosebleeds _start to get to you, and you want a change of scenery, just tell me, alright?"

"Sure. We're just going to play cards now, is that okay?"

"Whatever you want, girls. We're having snack in about fifteen minutes, though."

Pandora and Effy are sitting in the only comfortable chairs in the hospital, so Emily and I have to make do with the remaining rickety old seats. Cook and JJ are chatting and laughing, though Freddie is noticeably absent. "Want to play cards?"

JJ replies, "I'd rather not, but thanks for the offer."

"Nah, mate," Cook says shaking his head.

Pandora leaps up excitedly. "Whizzer!"

Effy looks bored, but she comes over as well.

"This will be well fun," Emily says with a smile, "We never have four people to play."

The rules are quickly explained to me, and we commence with the game. Emily wins the first hand, but Effy gets the next three, despite her silence.

"Queen Victoria made up this game just for me," Pandora says, leaning towards me. I laugh uncertainly, not sure if she's joking. "Hey now, I'm serious. She made it up for me!"

Emily reaches over and grabs her hand. "Panda, no. We've been over this, nobody made anything especially for you." I know it's a bit mean, but I find it highly amusing that Emily, of all people, is lecturing Panda on what's real and what's not.

"Let her have her fun, Emily. God knows we need enough of it." It's the most I've ever heard Effy say.

"It's not good for someone to live outside reality for a long time," Emily argues.

Effy sneers, "You're really one to talk. Not like you're going to ever be in reality completely. You'll be delusional for the rest of your life."

I feel anger rising up in me. "Don't talk to her that way," I say quietly.

Effy turns to me with a knowing look. "Got a crush on her, huh? Want to fuck little Miss Crazy? She's probably mad for a shag. Did you know that she tried to seduce me when I first got here?"

I feel my blood boil. I try hard not to think of Emily seducing Effy. It hurts too much. Emily looks at Effy, "You fucking lying bitch! You tried to screw me! And I may be delusional but at least I'm good as a person. You're just a soulless cunt. And you know what? No one will ever love you truly, you'll end up alone!"

I know enough about Borderline Personality Disorder to know that it's a low blow. Abandonment is a major fear for those with it. Effy's face crumbles, "Don't say that. It's not, it's not true." A tear leaks down her face. I look at Emily reproachfully who challenges me with a look right back. I pull her aside.

"Emily, that was out of line," I murmur, looking into her eyes. She turns to me, anger lighting up her features.

"Out of line? Are you shitting me? Whose side are you on, Naomi? The bitch's?"

"No, I'm on your side-" I'm interrupted by Cook, who is running towards us at full speed.

"You hurt Effy!" he roars, grabbing Emily by the neck and slamming her down to the ground. He pounds into her face with his fist. His other hand hits her in the gut with a sickening crack. I try desperately to pull him off. Using my full weight, I manage to get him away. I can't see Emily in pain any longer.

"Cook, it was me! I made Effy cry, not Ems," I cry out desperately. He yells loudly, and grabs the back of my head, then slams my face against the wall. I feel my nose break. The nurses are running around frantically, trying to find Jeff, the burly male nurse. Cook lands another hard punch to my jaw, which feels like it's breaking. I fall to the ground, at which point he lands a kick to my side before stomping on my face. The world turns black for yet another time.

There's a dull burning pain in my face when I wake up. It feels like someone's just run over my face with a steamroller. I squeeze my eyes and look around the room. Emily's staring at me pensively. She clearly been crying.

"Hey," she says quietly, "How are you doing?"

"Mmm, fine. How are you doing, that's what's more important."

"No! I got us into this situation in the first place. It's all my fault," she wails sadly.

I get up and walk over to her. Jesus, I'm sore. I place my arm around her, which she quickly shrugs off.

"Fuck off, Naomi! It's my fucking fault and you're still being so sweet. I don't deserve your kindness."

"Don't say that, Emily. You are worth it. I'd do it again in a heartbeat."

She claws at her face, her head swathed in bandages. "No, no, no! Why? Why do you care so much? I'm just a schizophrenic loser."

I reach over and grab her face, forcing her to look me in the eyes. "Never say that. You're not a loser. And I do care. You're one of the sweetest, nicest people I've ever met. And I kind of really like you."

"You like me? As in 'woohoo, we're bestest buddies' or 'I want to fuck you'?"

"Neither. Both. I like you as a friend, and as more."

Her mouth forms a round "O". "Oh. Really?"

"Yeah, really." She smirks and leans against me.

"Never do that again or I'll be majorly pissed, yeah?"

"Can't promise that, Ems, but I'll try to protect you better in the future."

"We'll protect each other, okay?" I nod. She leans closer.

"Maybe a kiss would make it better?" She sounds so nervous and insecure that I about burst with happiness at her adorableness.

"Yes, yes I think that would help." She smiles and comes close to my face. She brushes the lightest of kisses along my jaw, before moving upwards to my nose. I wince.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry! Did I hurt you?"

"Nope. Takes more than that to hurt me. Speaking of which, how hurt are we?"

"Well you had a dislocated jaw, a broken nose, and two broken ribs. I have four broken ribs and a broken collarbone. We both have concussions, so it's no sleep for us."

"Ouch. What's going to happen to Cook?"

Emily scowls, "Two days in solitary."

"Are you serious? That's all? He fucking assaulting us. I want to press charges."

"They're strongly recommending against pressing charges. Basically it means they'll fuck us over if we press charges. They're all about rehabilitation, not prison time, God knows he's had enough of both."

"Oh. Okay then. Maybe it'd be better if you'd kiss me again?"

She grins widely. "Here?" she asks, pressing a kiss to my cheek.

"No." I say with a smile.

"Here?" She kisses my jaw softly.

"Nope."

"Here," she says, brushing a feather soft kiss across my lips.

"Here," I agree, grazing my lips over hers again. We're both too sore and damaged to do anything else, so we lay back and relax. Worries quickly overtake me.

"How would we ever make this work, Ems? I mean, I'm bipolar and you're schizophrenic."

"And you're engaged to Tom," she adds, "But we don't need to worry about that now or worry 'cause we're 'mentally unwell'. We'll just sit here and enjoy each other's company during our convalescence."


	9. Chapter 9

We're sitting around just talking about anything and everything. "Okay, Emily, what was the most traumatically humorous incident of your childhood?"

"Let me think for a second. Alright. When Katie and I were twelve, our parents left us alone with our little brother, James. Of course we started doing all the things our parents told us not to. We ate all the ice cream, drank some of their vodka, and went up to their bedroom to watch TV. We put the DVD that was sitting there in. Of course it was porn. I think I was traumatized for life. Seeing that cock really scarred my eyes. Probably should have clued me into the fact that I was gay."

I laugh, "Nope, I saw a porno at that age, and I was plenty scarred, too, and I like men."

"Don't remind me! I don't want to think of you with some man."

"Hmm, you jealous?"

"Nope. Nada. Zilch. Okay, maybe a little bit."

"Well if it makes you feel any better, I don't want to think of you with a man either."

"Gross, neither do I. I don't see what you see in them. I mean hairy chests? Smelly balls? Not exactly my cup of tea."

"Wow, you make it sound so appealing. There are good parts, I mean they're good for curling up around. When you cry they comfort you. Stuff like that."

Emily raises an eyebrow, "And girls can't do that?"

"Well I guess you could cozy up with a girl, you're so tiny it wouldn't matter if she wasn't that big."

"I'll have you know that I'm planning on hooking up with a weightlifting, manly woman named Bertha. Or Helga. Haven't decided which. She'll probably have a mustache and like football. The American kind, that is."

I laugh, and it feels so fucking good. I can't remember that last time I laughed before I got here. It's almost painful, the way my muscles aren't used to being used for that. "Bertha? Seriously, Ems, I think you could do much better. You could get with Naomi fucking Campbell if you wanted."

A small smile lights up on her face, "Are you offering?"

I punch her lightly on the arm, "I was talking about the supermodel, dummy."

"Right, right. Though if I had to choose a supermodel to get with, she wouldn't be my first choice. Not that she isn't completely hot."

"Oh really? So who would you choose? Cokehead?"

"Cokehead? That really doesn't narrow it down much."

"Kate Moss, the one who's a complete druggie."

"Nah, she looks weird to me. Something about those eyes. Me, I'd totally go with Gisele Bundchen. She's sexy."

I joke, "Hotter than me?"

Emily smiles for a second, but it doesn't reach her eyes. She says seriously, "No."

The joking is over. I don't know what to say, I've always been a bit shit at these sappy sort of moments. So I kiss her lightly on the cheek. "Thanks, Em. It's good that you realize the depths of my hotness."

She grins a mysterious smile, then presses her lips softly against mine. "Oh, I do."

I kiss her back, and she quickly moves to deepen it, her tongue running alone my bottom lip. The movement is killing my jaw. "As much as I'd love to continue this—and believe me, I do want to continue this-" I wink at her "-my face has taken way too much of a beating to do much movement. We can start back up in a couple of days maybe?"

Emily nods and kisses me briefly again, "Of course. So, what was yours?"

"What was my what?"

"Traumatic childhood memory."

"Oh. Yeah. I know just the one. I think I told you that my mum is a wackjob who's into communal living, didn't I?" Emily shakes her head no. "Well she is. Don't mean to talk bad about my family, but she is kind of "off". So it was just me and her when I was a kid. I guess she got lonely and what did she decide was a good idea? To bring in a fuckload of people to live with us. There was this crazy woman who kept going off about how patriarchal bananas are and-"

"Wait, she didn't like bananas cuz they're patriarchal? What the fuck."

"Yeah, tell me about it. I wasn't allowed to have them for like two years after. Had to sneak them after school."

"You snuck around eating bananas? Wow. Me, I used to sneak smoking spliff. You apparently were more interested in fruit. Loser."

"Oi, don't make fun of me. Do you want me to finish this story or not?"

Emily makes a pouty face. "Yeah, go ahead."

"Alrighty then. So we had like fifty thousand people living with us. One of them thought he was the fucking Messiah. Looked a lot like Jesus, though. But the problem was this dude that walked around naked listening to his radio. One day he was going past my room at the same time my mum was coming up the stairs. I was walking out of my room. Mum ran into him, he feel down on top of face. Or at least his junk did. Do you know how traumatizing that is for a kid?"

"How old were you?"

"Fourteen."

"Oooh, harsh. I think I would have scrubbed my face off with bleach. Developed OCD."

"Oh believe me, I was most certainly washing my face that night."

"Sounds tough." We fall into silence as we lay on Emily's bed.

"This is nice, isn't it?" Emily asks.

"It is. Can we just sit here."

"Yeah, we can. For a bit."

Sorry it's been so long. I've just been dealing with some shit. Updates should be more regular.

I'm woken from my restful sleep by one of the nurses dragging me away from Emily's bed. "Get off! What the fuck are you doing?" I exclaim loudly.

"No patient-patient touching, Naomi, you know that. You and Emily were, were _cuddling_. That is most certainly unacceptable. I'm considering moving you in with Effy, and moving Pandora in here."

"Jesus, no! I do not get along with Effy, neither does Emily. Panda's the only one who can handle her."

The nurse shakes her head. "Yeah, that's true. Okay, you can stay with Emily, but no more touching, alright?" I nod vigorously. "Well that's all for now, we have group in ten minutes."

"Sure. We'll be right out." I turn to Emily, widening my eyes. Once the nurse is out of earshot I murmur to her, "Close call, right?"

"Yeah. I really don't want that bitch as my roommate. I'd much rather have you."

I smile even though it's killing my bruised face. "I'd wouldn't be happy to have anyone else. So if touching is prohibited then I guess fucking is out, eh?" Her face contorts, a look of shock passing over it. "Um, I didn't mean to imply we'd be having sex, I just meant it general. Not that I want to sleep with anyone else in here. And I'd completely understand why you'd want to wait, it would be your first time. I would be really sweet, I promise. Fuck, I'm just spouting word vomit. God, please say something."

I'm surprised to see her laugh. "Jesus, Naomi, lighten up. Yeah, fucking would definitely be out. But what are rules meant for if not for breaking?"

"So you're not, like, offended by my implying that we'd be screwing?"

"No, not at all. Calm down. Christ, it's not like I'm some prude. I'm not a virgin by choice, it's just that it's kind of hard to get any when you're locked up."

"Yeah, I'm dying in here." I wink at her, "Maybe you could help me with that?"

"Haha. Nope, we'd be skinned alive if they found out. Plus you've got Tom to think about. Wouldn't that be cheating? I don't like cheats."

"Meh, neither do I. I'm going to break up with him, you know."

Emily's face lights up. "Really? That's great. Well, not great for him, but good for me. I can come in and sweep you off your feet."

"You already have." She grins widely and leans over, giving me a soft kiss on the cheek.

"I'm glad I met you, Naomi. You've really lightened up this place. Before you came along, I was falling into a lonely pattern of depression and isolation. I was brought out of my shell because of you. So thanks, I guess."

I don't even care that we're being fucking sentimental and sappy, my heart feels like it's going to burst with happiness. "Any time, Ems, any time. Better get out there or else they'll think we're up to no good." She nods and we walk out of the room to go to group. I'm shocked to see an abashed looking Cook sitting at the table. I spin around and look at the nearest nurse. "Why the fuck is he sitting there? He tried to fucking kill me and Emily."

The nurse looks at me soothingly, "Hey. It's going to be alright, dear. We're just going to do a little mediation, a little group therapy. It'll be good."

I roll my eyes, "I don't want to have fucking group with him. If he's there, I'm not."

Emily looks at me and puts her arm on my shoulder. "Naomi, let's go to group, okay?" She looking at me with those puppy dog eyes, and I can't do anything but agree. We sit down across from Cook and Effy. Freddie, Panda, and JJ are sitting on the other side looking nervous. The nurse, Sandra, sits down with Cook and Effy.

"So, ladies and gentlemen, are we feeling a bit better?"

Effy shrugs, "They hurt me earlier, they really did." Cook puts a hand on her arm and squeezes gently.

"I'm doing fine. I'm really sorry, Naomi and Emily. I don't know how to make it up to you, but I'll try my best. I overreacted." Cook looks at the nurse then me and Emily as he says this.

Sandra smiles and looks at me, as if she's waiting for something. "Naomi, do you have something to say to James?"

Is she shitting me? "I'm not saying anything to that tosser. He fucking dislocated my jaw and broke my ribs. They are in so much pain right now. I wish I could punch his damn lights out."

Sandra makes a tutting sound. "Naomi, that's not a very productive comment. Emily, do you want to say something?"

Emily looks at Cook angrily. "What you did was inexcusable, Cook, but I'm willing to forgive you. I know that you're working hard on not having outbursts. When you first got here, you blew up almost every day. This is the first time in a while that you've done anything so though I'm mad as hell, I'm proud of what you've done."

"Excellent!" Sandra crows proudly, "I'm really happy with you and James. Naomi, Effy, we'll just have to do a bit more work. That's all for now."

Emily and I walk back to our room. "You forgive him then? Just like that?" She smiles at me, and grabs my hand, leading me to the bed.

"Yeah, I forgive him. He really tries, you should have seen him a few months ago. He couldn't function last year. He was jailed so many times. He's really gotten better. So in the long run, I'm happy to take a few hits."

I kiss her lightly, "You're so nice Fitch." We settle on to the bed and begin to talk about anything and everything, keeping an ear open for the nurses.


	10. Chapter 10

"So, Em, how should I break up with Tom? I'm shit at letting people down easy, I'd probably just blurt it out or something."

Emily raises her eyebrows disbelievingly, "You want me to tell you how to break up with Tom? Me, who hasn't ever had a relationship, let alone a break-up? Yeah, I'm a great person to go to for advice."

I frown, "Well who am I supposed to ask? Panda is in her own little world, and Effy obviously doesn't want to help me. So, little Fitchy, it falls to you."

"Okay then. Tell him that you have a hot little piece of stuff here in the hospital, and you don't need his sorry arse anymore."

I raise my eyebrows, "Yeah, Ems, you're a bit shit at this. I think I'll tell him that I'm a different person now and that we're no longer compatible. Sound good?"

Emily scowls, "Yeah, I guess." She turns away from me on the bed, looking at the wall.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she mutters defensively, proving that there is something wrong after all.

"Em! Tell me, please? Pretty please with a cherry on top?"

She sighs mightily, "Okay. It's just that this is really going to hurt him. I mean, he thinks you two are getting married. Starting a life together. Probably going to have a nice little house and kids to fill it up. And you're just going to crush him."

I blink in surprise. "I would have thought you would have wanted this. I mean, aren't you a bit jealous?"

"Mmm, yeah, but it's not like we're dating. Or even able to date. We're in a fucking mental institution. Are you sure you want to leave everything behind just for whatever we have?"

I sigh now too. "Ems, though I really, really like you, you're not the only reason I'm breaking up with him. It's the decent thing to do. I can't lead him on any longer. It's just not right."

Emily nods, a small smile gracing her features. "Alright, that's settled then. On a similar note, I want you to meet Katie. She's coming today, too."

"Meeting the family already? Wow, Em, you move fast." She playfully hits me on the arm.

"I'm serious. I want you two to meet."

"Sure. I'm excited to meet the so-called bitch." She hits me again, this time a bit harder.

"She's not a bitch, okay?"

"Yeah, whatever you say, Em. I just think-" A knocking on the door interrupts me.

"Ladies, you decent?" Jared, one of the male nurses, calls out. I leap off of Emily's bed and tuck myself into mine.

"Yeah," we call in unison. Jared opens the door.

"You two both have visitors. A Mr. Tom Weiner and a Ms. Katie Fitch."

"Thanks," Emily says. She turns to me, "So, you're going to do it now?"

"Yep, that's the plan." I stand up and go to face my fiance.

"Honey!" he calls out, coming to give me a hug. "Love, I've missed you. It's just not the same without you."

I snort, "Yeah, you're probably wanking off ten times more now that I'm in here."

Tom looks shocked. "Naomi," he says in a scandalized tone, "That's really not appropriate!"

Jesus Christ, how did I ever think such a prude and I would be compatible? "Tom, we need to talk."

Tom furrows his brow, "Talk? About what? The wedding? I know you want to have a part in planning it, so I haven't really done anything."

"Thank God for that," I mutter under my breath.

"What was that, sweetie?"

I pull him over to a chair. "I think you should sit down for this, okay?"

Tom looks thoroughly confused. "Hon, what's up?"

"I just, er, need to tell you something."

Tom's eyes widen in surprise. "Are you telling me what I think you're telling me?"

I sigh in relief, he gets it. Maybe I won't have to spell it out for him. "Yeah, I think I am."

"You're pregnant!" he crows happily, "My God, I'm so excited!"

Fuck my life. Tom thinks I'm pregnant. "No, Tom, I'm not."

"Oh," he says sadly, "Well then what do you want to tell me?"

I don't know if I can do this. Crushing a man's heart is tough work. I glance over at Emily, who's smiling at something Katie's said. I smile nervously too, knowing I'm doing the right thing. "Tom, I'm breaking up with you. We're too different, and I'm just not right for you. I'm a horrible person to you: I make fun of you, I degrade you, I mean, I'm practically emotionally abusive. We can't have a future together."

I see tears welling up in Tom's eyes. He hurriedly pushes them away. "Naomi, please. I love you so much and I think we can work. You just need to give it another chance. Please." His begging tugs at my heartstrings, but I remain firm.

"No, Tom. I would like to be friends, but nothing more. I think you should leave now."

"Fine," he sobs, "Whatever you want!" He stumbles out the door, fumbling with his keys. I run after him. He looks at me hopefully.

"No, I still meant what I said, but I think you should wait a while to drive. You're too upset now."

He nods and says, "I'll just wait in the car. Bye, Naomi. I love you, as always, and I'll wait for you to love me again." He is let out of the ward, and I watch him go down the white hallway.

"Naomi!" I hear Emily call, "Naomi, come meet my sister."

I nervously walk over to the corner where Emily and Katie are waiting. "Hey, Katie."

Katie sneers at me and raises her eyebrows. "Naomi, is it?"

Emily punches her on the shoulder, "Katie, I've been talking about her for past few visits we've had, you know what her name is."

Katie rolls her eyes, "Like, you can't expect me to remember every bitch's name in here."

"Oh my God, Katie, there's only three other girls in this place: Panda, Effy, and Naomi. How hard is it for you to learn their names?"

"Whatever, Ems. It's not my fault they all look alike."

Emily scoffs, "Are you shitting me? They look nothing alike! I mean, seriously?"

"Em, we're not arguing in front of company," Katie whispers loudly. I can't help but laugh at their family dynamic.

"You two are fucking hilarious," I manage to choke out between laughs. Emily spins around angrily. "Woah, chill out, girl. Emily, Katie is obviously in awe of my beauty and can hardly remember her own name let alone mine."

Katie snorts loudly. "As if, I'm no lezza."

"And Katie, believe me, my family argues so much worse than this. So don't worry about it. Can we all kiss and make up?"

"Ew," Emily says, "I don't want to kiss her!"

"Yeah, that's incest and illegal." Katie looks horrified.

I roll my eyes. "Jesus Christ, I meant it figuratively. It's an expression. And you know, like on the cheek."

Katie purses her lips. "So, _Naomi_, my sister's been telling me all sorts of shit about you."

I grin nervously, "All good, I hope?"

Katie smirks, "Maybe. So, do you want to fuck my little sister?" Wow, she gets straight to the point.

Emily jabs her in the ribs with her elbow. "Katie!" she hisses, "Don't ask her that!"

"Ah, it's fine. So Em is your little sister? The younger twin then?"

Katie looks unimpressed. "Nice diversionary tactic. Answer the question, Naomi."

I sweating it here, I don't know what the right answer is. "Er, well I would prefer to say _make love_, but yeah, I guess I would liketohavesexwithEmily." I slur out the end of my sentence all in one word.

Emily makes a strangled noise. "Eurgh, this conversation is too weird. I think I'm done with family togetherness time, Katie. Naomi, can you give Katie and me a few minutes?"

I nod, eager to get away from Katie's glare.

"Hey, I'm not done with her," Katie protests. Emily fixes her with an angry stare.

"Yes," she growls out, "You are done with her."

"No, Em, I need to say something to her. Give us a second, okay? I promise I'll like be civil or whatever." Emily looks unsure.

"It's okay, Ems," I say, patting her on the arm. Emily seems a bit nervous about whatever Katie's going to say, but she leaves us alone all the same.

"Soo," I mumble to Katie, "What did you want to talk to me about?"

Katie narrows her eyes, "Look, Campbell, you have a fiance, right?"

"Er, not anymore. I just broke it off with him."

"Same thing. You're not available. Your emotions still lie with him."

"Er, nope. I've been over him for a while."

"Oh, so you just like to lead people on? Lovely."

Okay, now I'm starting to get pissed off. "No, Katie. I was trying to find the right time to break it off. I broke up with him before I came here, but he was so pathetic I agreed to come back to him. Being in the fucking mental ward isn't the best place for dealing with relationships!"

"Exactly. So you, stay away from my sister. She doesn't need some manic person mooning after her."

"Listen, Ems can do what she wants. If she wants to _do_ me, then I think she will. And you know what, if she isn't getting out of here soon, then who better is there? She's lonely, and feels like she missing out on life. I could be good for her."

"No. She thinks you could be good for her because there aren't many options. You two would not work in the real world."

"Well guess what? This is our world, at least for now. And I understand what she's going through better than a normie like you."

"Yeah, well I think she could do better with some guy on the outside."

"Some guy? Have you ever met her? She so gay that there's a trail of unicorns and rainbows following her. She doesn't like men."

"How would she know? She's never been with one."

"Katie, we're done. I'm not staying away from Ems. I really care about her."

Katie softens a little bit. "Okay, but if you fuck her over, I'm coming for you, bitch!"

"Deal. Friends?" I stick out my hand. She looks at it as if there's shit rubbed all over it.

"Er, no. But not enemies either." She grabs my hand gingerly, and shakes it quickly.

"Okay, I'm going to leave you with Em. Nice meeting you, bye." I walk over to Emily and give her a thumbs up. "I, uh, think I may have gotten Katie's blessing. Sort of."

Emily beams at me. "Great! I'm just going to say bye to her, then we can do, you know, whatever."

"Yeah, I think I did pretty well. Normally I fuck things up with the family, but I did pretty well this time."

"Awesome. Well I'll just go over," she says pointing to Katie. I watch her walk over to her sister.

Maybe everything will be okay.


	11. Chapter 11

I'm sitting on my bed, staring at the ceiling when she pops in. "Emily?" I mumble sleepily. Damn, these meds are knocking me out.

"No. It's Effy."

I sit up, surprised. "Effy? What are you doing in here?"

She shrugs nonchalantly and takes a seat on the bed. "Can I sit here?"

I raise my eyebrows, "Sure. So, what brings you here to my humble abode?"

Effy gives me a disdainful look. "You're shit."

I pull a face, "Um, you came in here to tell me I'm shit? Great. Anything else?"

"Jesus, do I have to spell everything out for you?"

"Er, I don't think it's that unreasonable to ask, considering you've said jack shit so far."

"Emily. Stay away from her, she's mine," Effy says flatly.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me, Emily is mine."

"Emily isn't yours," I say angrily.

A look of rage passes over Effy's face. "So what, she's yours now?"

"No, she's not anybody's. She's her own person. But if she was somebody's, she sure as hell wouldn't be yours. She fucking hates you."

Effy's face crumbles, "Do you really think so?"

I'm mad as hell, but I don't know if I have it in me to crush her. So I lie. "No. But you've pretty much been a bitch to both of us, or at least you have since I've been here. Besides, I thought you were straight."

"I am. I don't want her sexually, but I want her as a friend, as someone to rely on. Before you came, she spent more time with me and Panda," Effy adds venomously.

"Well maybe there's a reason that she spends more time with me. And hey, yeah, what about Pandora? Aren't you two all besties?"

"Pandora is my friend, but she's a fuck-up. Emily is totally crazy sometimes, but she's good when she's on meds. Panda? She's crazy no matter what."

"Well I'm not backing off from Em. I really care for her. So I understand you want to be friends with her, but you have to share. And, you know, she thinks you don't like her."

"Yeah, well I push people away before they have time to reject me. I can't, can't take rejection." She tries to keep a stoic face, but I can see the inner turmoil.

I put my hand on her's soothingly. "Hey, it's all right. I'll talk to Ems, make her see that you're not so bad. But in return you have to make some changes. No more hurting her with your words, no more getting Cook to beat her up, and you can't interfere with us. Because I want her really badly. Maybe more than I've ever wanted someone. So is it a deal?"

Effy smiles, the first genuine smile I think I've ever seen her give anyone. "Deal. Are we cool?"

"Yeah. Now if you'll excuse yourself, I can tell Em everything. Scoot!" I slap her ass as she leaves the room. Her mood swings are really getting to me. Yes, I realize the irony in a bipolar person talking about mood swings, but guess what? I don't give a fuck.

Emily walks in the room as Effy is leaving. "What the hell is going on there?" she asks, frowning.

"Oh, erm, Effy and I were just chatting."

"About what?" she says, closing the door and coming over to sit on my bed.

"About you, beautiful," I respond, giving her a quick peck on the lips.

She looks skeptical. "Why would Effy want to talk to you about me? What was she doing, warning you off? Telling you what a menace I am?"

"Nope. Exactly the opposite in fact. She said she wants to make amends, to be friends. Well she said that after telling me off and saying I needed to stay away from you, but the point is that she wants to connect with you."

"The hell that's going to happen. She's fucking mental."

"Hey, now, that's a sensitive word to use around here," I warn gently.

"You don't know what she's like. She fucked one of the male nurses then accused him of rape. Yeah, it was inappropriate for him to sleep with her, but he lost all chances for a life. Chrissakes, he almost fucking went to prison. If they hadn't had the audio for the videotapes, then they wouldn't have found out. And Freddie and Cook? She's been blowing both of them for months. She's a using whore."

"Geez, I didn't know. She really seems fixated on you though. How has she been blowing Cook and Freddie? I mean they don't let different sexes into rooms at the same time."

"Well you know Jack? The night nurse?" I nod, remembering a mousy hairy man. "Yep, she blows him on her rounds too. She does it in exchange for him turning a blind eye towards her night time activities."

"Jesus Christ. I had no idea. How did you know?"

"Well for a while before you came here, even before Panda came, Effy was my roommate. I saw her go out too many times so I followed her and I caught her giving head to Jack. I asked her why and she told me straight up about their arrangement. I never reported her cuz we were actually sort of close. But then she began ignoring me and then she started telling my how shitty I was and how I would never get out of here."

"You were close with her? You never told me that before. I mean, you let me think you hated her. How do I know you weren't screwing her?" I hate the way my tone sounds, the way my stomach is twisting at the thought. It seems like Emily has bonded with all her past roommates, maybe I'm not special.

"Oh my god, are you jealous?" I shake my head rapidly. "Yes, you fucking are. She may be a slut, but she's on the straight and narrow. And I never liked her like that. In any case, I never liked her as much as I like you. So stop worrying. I mean seriously, I've never been in a relationship. It's me that should be jealous of your past. You told me that you were incredibly slutty in the few weeks before your attempt, can I be jealous of them?"  
"No. I'm sorry for snapping at you. I just, just want what we have to feel real and special. I didn't want for it to be a joke for you, okay?"

"It's not. Believe me, I'm feeling things I've never felt before. I'm sure you've had these sort of feelings before." She looks nervous, like she's expecting me to throw what's she said back in her face.

"No, I, uh, really haven't. I really care for you. So let's forget the jealously and just try and enjoy our time together, yeah?"

"Yeah," she agrees, catching my hand in hers. She rubs her thumb against the back of my hand and it gives me shivers. I'm falling head over heels for this girl.


	12. Chapter 12

Two Weeks Later

Ems and I have been getting along great. Every night after they do their last check, she gets into my bed and curls up with me. She's up before they look in the room in the morning. Have I said said anything about our hot nightly makeout sessions? Yeah, they're fucking awesome.

We've been chatting with Effy and Pandora more, and I can say that I'm starting to get used to this life. I still get manic and depressed sometimes, just as Em goes crazy occasionally. Have I mentioned the fantastic makeouts?

"Wakey, wakey!" I hear someone say into my ear. I open my eyes to see Pandora about three inches away from my face.

"Whoa, way too close, Panda," I say, pushing her away slightly.

"Sorry, Naomi, it's just I'm so excited!:

"Excited for what exactly?" I say slowly. "I mean, I know mental institutions are super fun, but is there anything special going on?"

"We're going out today on a field trip. It's gonna be bonkers!"

"Er, really? They let the crazies out for a field trip? Sounds risky."

"Yep," Emily, returning from brushing her teeth. "Every few weeks we go out—to see a movie, go to a park, or do another fun, team-building activity." I can hear the sarcasm in her voice loud and clear.

"So what is today's fun trip?"

Pandora runs out of the door, and goes up to a bulletin board. "It's bowling and a restaurant!" she yells back to us.

"Good shit," Emily says, "Much better than going to the movies where I get fucking paranoid."

"So do I get to go?"

"Yeah, you've been here for what, thirty-two days?"

I nod smugly, "Been counting the days, Em?"

She blushes furiously, "Maybe."

I smile at her, "It's okay, if I were you, I'd be counting the days too. I'm just that freaking awesome."

She laughs and says, "So anyway, they usually let people go after a month, so you've just made it. Congrats."

"Woohoo, a month in the crazy house. I feel so, so _accomplished._"

Emily snorts, "What do you get for seven years in the crazy house, a fucking medal?"

"Maybe we can make one in occupational therapy," I suggest with a smile. Occupational therapy, OT, is a fucking joke. We do crafts meant for freaking primary schoolchildren. Ah well, it's fun in an inane way.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we are heading out to our activity in 15 minutes. Please meet out here in 10, okay?"

"Kay, Sheila," I call out, shutting the door. I pull off my shirt and notice Emily salivating. "Em, stop perving, you lunatic!"

"I, uh, wasn't perving," she says unconvincingly. "I mean, sorry."

"Don't apologize. I don't mind. It makes me feel good, knowing that even though I haven't been to the gym in a month, you still like what you see."

"Hey, I've been making you do crunches every night and pushups and all that home-exercise shit. My dad fucking owns Fitch Fitness, you think I don't appreciate a fit body?"

I walk over and give her a searing kiss, breaking it off only when we're both gasping for air. "Should have known. Oops." I mutter against her lips, pressing my lips to her. I feel her smile into our kiss.

She slaps me in the ass and says, "We have go."

"All right, all right. I'm leaving."

They've gotten some sort of special bus for us, it's kind of like the buses they use for convicts. Lovely. There's a whole crew of staff members, about nine for the seven of us. It only takes us about eight minutes to get to the bowling alley. Sheila quickly goes over the rules and gives us hospital bands to put on. We exit the bus and enter the bowling alley. Sheila arranges our games and gets us our shoes.

"Thank god, this is first time I've had a shoe with laces in over a month," I moan, pulling on the unfashionable bowling shoes.

"Work it, Naomi. You look so, so sexy," Emily says sarcastically.

"Thanks, I know I work them." I give a little twirl and Emily laughs.

We have three lanes. It doesn't appear that the staff is playing. Cook, JJ, and Freddie play on one, Pandora and Effy play on the other, so it leaves the last one for me and Ems.

"It's my turn first, isn't it?" Emily asks me.

"Sure, you can go first. Whatever you want, my dear."

Emily grabs a seemingly heavy ball, carefully positions her stance, and rolls the bowl with perfect form. It's a strike.

"Wow, good job, Ems!" I say, giving her a high five.

"Thanks. When you go bowling every month for seven years, you get kind of good at it."

I nod and grab a ball for myself. I try and copy Em's stance then throw the ball. It immediately goes into the gutter. "Goddammit!"

"Hey, let me show you. Sheila! Is it okay for me to touch Naomi to show her how to throw the ball?"

"Hmm. Okay, but no groping!" Sheila answers with a laugh. She's a pretty cool mofo.

Emily steps up behind me, sliding her hands along my sides. I shiver involuntarily. "So, first you want to position your legs right." She moves her hands to my upper inside thighs, parting them slightly and. Completely. Fucking. Turning. Me. On. "Then you want to pull the ball up like this-" she moves my hands, brushing along my breasts. "-And then you want to slowly swing it forward." The ball slides smoothly through my fingers and knocks down seven pins.

"Hells yeah, bitches!" I scream, grabbing Emily in for a hug. I'm suddenly struck by a thirst. "Sheila, can I go get something to drink?"

"Yeah, here's some money."

I walk over to the snack bar, and freeze halfway when I see someone coming in through the door. My ex, Laurie. She was a total bitch and she knows how to make me feel like shit. I've always felt like I have something to prove to her. Shit, I feel like it now. Fuck, she's spotted me here.

"Naomi!" she calls, walking over with a new piece of eye-candy, some girl who probably has no brains.

"Hey, Laurie," I say fidgeting, and hiding my arm with its hospital band behind my back.

"What are you doing here?"

"Er, uh, what are you doing here?"

"I moved here a few months ago with my girlfriend, Ashley. Ashley, this is an old friend of mine, Naomi. So what are you doing here?"

"I, erm, uh-"

She interrupts me, "Jesus Christ, those freaks are out again. They're from a fucking mental institution. Completely crazy."

"Oh really?" I say, trying to sound nonchalant. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Emily coming up. Shit.

"Look, one of them is coming closer. Fuck off freak!" Emily stops for a second and looks at me before stepping closer.

"Hey," she says nervously.

"Get away from us, you schizo. We don't want your kind here, do we, Naomi."

I'm paralyzed at her words. I try desperately to form a coherent response, but all I can come up with is "Um..."

Emily gives me a heartwrenching look, and I see tears come to her eyes. "I hope the aliens get you both," she says before running toward the bathroom. Fuck, what have I done?

"What a loser," Laurie says with a sneer. "People like that should be put down or at least locked up forever."

"Shut the fuck up," I say quietly, balling my hands into fists.

"What? Did you just tell me to shut up?"

"Yeah, I did. Emily is a better person than you will be. Ever."

"Emily? How the hell do you know her name? Wait, don't tell me, you're one of them, aren't you?"

I hold up my wrist and point to the hospital band on it. "I am. Damn proud of it too. They are amazing people, and if you keep talking shit, I will beat you down."

"Whatever," she replies, "I never liked you anyway. Stick with your freaks."

I'm so angry that tears are welling up. I don't even see Cook pop up next to me.

"Naomikins, you alright?" he asks worriedly. I shake my head. "This bitch hurting you?"

"She called Em a freak, a schizo."

"Did she now?" Cook says, smiling in a very psychotic way. "That true, ma'am?"

Laurie laughs, "Yeah, I did. You're society's shit. The crap of the world. And you know what? I'm gotten more action from girls than you've gotten in the past month. Unless, of course, you're into men. Which I can see you are." My eyes widen, bad move on her part. Cook clenches his jaw, hands jammed into fists. His whole body is shaking.

"Let it go, Cook," I say, stroking his back soothingly. "This piece of shit isn't worth it."

Cook growls, and punches the wall next to Laurie's head. "Cookie doesn't hit girls often, but if you say one more word about me or my girls, I will fucking beat you to a pulp. And that's a promise."

Laurie's face goes completely white, and she swallows nervously. I grin, having psycho friends is pretty excellent. Chuckling, I ask, "Got it, Laurie?"

"Ye-yes. I'm, er, going to be leaving now. C'mon, Ashley." Laurie stumbles out of the building, almost tripping over her own feet.

"James Cook, you are my savior," I say, throwing my arms around him. He makes a grunting noise, and shoots his eyes towards the staff. "Ah, oh yeah, no touching." I quickly pull away, then lean forward and kiss him on the cheek. "Thanks for coming to my rescue."

"Any time, babe. We're a tight-knit group, ya know? Like we could be friends on the outside."

"Yeah, I could picture us on the outside." I laugh, "Imagine if we had gone to college together or something."

Cook smiles back at me, then says, "Well you better fix things with Red, don't want her to be too upset. Tell her we got rid of that fucker."

I squeeze my eyes shut so that he can't see the forming tears. "I, uh, didn't really help. When she called Emily a schizo and freak, I didn't say anything. Didn't fucking stand up for her. She probably hates me now." I end up sobbing, and all Cook can do is look on, not being able to hold me or physically comfort me.

"Aw, babes, it'll be okay. You and Ems are tight. Inseparable, right? She'll forgive you. And if not, then my cock is always available to comfort you." I frown. "No? Well then I'll be available to listen and shit."

I smile, my eyes watery. "Gee, thanks, Cook. You're a right sensitive one, aren't you?"

"Ah, fuck it, I am when it calls for it. Am I forgiven yet for hitting you two?"

"Suppose so, but you're still on shaky ground."

"Cool. Why don't you go and find Emily?"

"Yeah. I will. I think she's in the loo." I smile at him one last time, then walk back over to our stuff. Sheila intercepts me before I can get to the toilets.

"Naomi, what happened?"

"Ah, nothing?" I've learned in my 32 days not to tell the staff anything.

"You and James were conversing with that woman. It didn't end well."

"I know her. She's my ex. She was being nasty and Cook stood up for me, end of story. Alright? She fucked, excuse me, _screwed _Emily up, and I need to make it right, yeah?"

She squints at me, "Mmmkay. We're leaving now, though. This little incident can't go any further."

"Yeah, sure, whatever."

"Then please exit to the bus."

"But Emily," I protest.

"We'll get her, hon, don't worry."

Emily and I are sitting in our room, deliberately not looking at each other. Or rather, Em isn't looking at me, and I feel to shitty to try and force her to look at me. Finally the silence stretches too long.

"Em, we need to talk."

"Fuck off," she mutters, flipping me off half-heartedly.

"Seriously, I'm sorry. After you left I told her I was a patient here, and that you were more than she would ever be." I laugh a little, "Cook came after and punched the wall next to her head. Said he would protect his girls or something like that."

Emily turns to face me. She's drawn her knees up to her body, and she looks so fragile, so vulnerable. "Do you not fucking get it?"

"No," I say, glad she's responding. "Please tell me."

Tears begin to fall down her face again. "It's stupid."

I move across to her bed, and hug her. "Nothing you say or think or whatever is stupid."

"Okay then. For me, I was considering it to be our first date or something. I mean, I know it's dumb and shit, but that's how I felt. And you let me be insulted, let me be trampled. Couldn't even fucking admit that you knew me. And it was my first even kind-of date."

I feel so fucking guilty that it's tearing me apart. "I'm shit at this, I told you. But I want to do something, anything to make you feel better. I like you so fucking much. I'm definitely falling in love with you." I feel so insecure.

"Yeah, well...I'm going to sleep."

I feel a pang in my heart. "Good night, Ems. Sweet dreams."


	13. Chapter 13

A few more weeks have passed. I'd like to say that Emily and I made up and everything was fine, but it wasn't. We didn't talk for the first few days, or rather I talked and Emily ignored me. I begged and pleaded, and eventually she spoke up. She told me just how much I had hurt her, and it reduced me to tears. She softened up a bit after that, but I was still in the doghouse. A week after that, she began to kiss me again. We were both acting nervously around each other; it wasn't the easy friendship of before. Three weeks to the day, she told me she forgave me. If only it was so easy to forgive myself.

I can't sleep. All I can think about is how broken Emily looked when I didn't stand up for her, the look of betrayal in her eyes. Fuck. I need something to alleviate the pain. Normally I'd drink, but there's obviously no alcohol in here. My only other coping mechanism is cutting. There shouldn't be anything I can use to cut here, but I nicked a pair of safety scissors. I peel off my shirt. Where to do it? My stomach, upper thighs and arms an are already marked. The blades won't go around any other part of my body except my wrist. I squeeze it shut, relishing in the pain. _You deserve this, _I think, _fucking up the girl you love_. Wait. Hold up. Love? I glance over at Emily, laying on her bed, red hair spilling out over her pillow. Her breathing is steady, and I hope that she's having a good dream.

"I love you," I whisper from my side of the room, "I fucking love you, Emily Fitch." She doesn't do anything obviously, just rolls over in her sleep.

I'm continuing to press the scissors into my flesh, finally breaking the skin. I watch the blood dribble down my wrist. Shit, I can't let it get on the bed. Wiping the cut off with a paper towel, I try to let sleep overtake me. The therapist has been talking to me about the guilt that comes with depression, but I've not learned any skills to cope.

Fuck. I'm being eaten alive with guilt. Still. I apply the scissors to my other arm. I'm used to the pain, barely noticing the stinging. Though I'm normally pretty stoic, I can't help but let out a sob. I stow the scissors in between the mattresses, hold the towel to my arm until the blood clots, then fall into a tortured sleep.

I wake in the morning, and see Emily staring at me quizzically. "What?"

"Nothing. No, wait, it actually is something. You've fresh marks on your wrists."

I immediately regret wearing the T-shirt to bed. "No, I don't."

"Naomi. After all this time, you're going to lie to me?"

"Okay, I cut last night."

I see a flash of sadness go through her eyes. "With what?"

"Some scissors I stole during nursing group."

"Let me have them," she says, putting out her hand. I shake my head. "I'm serious, Naoms."

"Naoms? I like that." She continues to stare at me, hand outstretched. I huff and give them to her.

"Why did you do it?"

"Er, no reason. It's an addiction, you know." She narrows her eyes at me, but says nothing. "Well, let's get breakfast, shall we?"

She doesn't say anything, but stands up, stilted, and walks over to me. I expect her to slap me or something, though I don't know why. So it's a complete surprise when she kisses my softly on the lips. "I don't like it when you hurt yourself."

"I'm sorry," I mumble, putting my head down. I'm so goddamned stupid. Nothing I do seems to be right. She lifts my face up with one finger.

"Don't be," she murmurs against my lips, "Just-just don't do it again, yeah?"

"Okay," I agree, putting my forehead against hers. We stay like that for a bit, holding each other.

"We need to go to breakfast," Emily mutters.

"I don't want to go," I say, and suddenly tears are falling down my face. Emily wipes them away with her thumb, then kisses my eyelids, which I've screwed up tight.

"Naomi, I heard you."

"What?"

"Last night. What you said."

"Oh." I know I should be reacting more, be more worried that she knows, that she'll be scared off, but I really can't summon the energy. "I'm sorry."

Emily blushes like crazy, still holding me. "Don't be. I-I love you too."

Suddenly the weight I didn't even know I was carrying is lifted.

"What?" I say stupidly because really, this is too good to be true.

Though her whole face is red and she looks like she's going to die of embarrassment, she breathes out "I. Love. You.", punctuating each word with a kiss.


	14. Chapter 14

I can't help the smile that immediately pops up. "Really?"

She looks down nervously, "Yeah. You're my first love, you know?" I nod excitedly. "And I know I'm not yours, but that's okay. I just hope I'm not just another notch on the headboard for you."

I pull her face up so she can look me in the eye. "Ems, I can fully say that I've never loved anyone as much as I love you. And I hope I'm not just your first love."

"What do you mean?" Emily asks with an anxious smile.

"I want to be your first and only. I want us to be together." I don't know where my confident sappiness is coming from, but from the look in her eyes, it's not misplaced.

"Naoms, what are you saying?"

"I want to give this, us, a try. You've been pretty stable recently, and so have I. We could get out of here, start a life together, you know?"

She doesn't reply, just hugs me tightly. I feel a wetness seep through my thin shirt. "Hey, what's this?"

She looks up with a smile, "I'm-I'm just so happy you feel the same way. That's all."

I kiss the top of her head. "They'll be wondering where we are, we'd best go out."

"Yeah," she says sadly.

"So why are you sad?"

"No reason." I raise my eyebrow. "Okay. What if we don't get out? Then what will we do?"

"Don't worry, Ems, I'll love you no matter if we get out or not. Let's go get our food, yeah?"

"Okay."

I don't think Emily or I have ever wanted room time faster. All during breakfast, she was rubbing my calf with her foot. I acted like I didn't notice. She then decided to run her hand along my thigh. My upper inner thigh. I couldn't help the slight moan that escaped my lips.

"Problems, Naomi?" she asks with a devilish smile.

"No. There's, uh, a draft in here."

She raises her eyebrows coyly, "Ah, I see." I smile back at her, secretly hoping she'll continue.

Effy looks between us. "Spill it."

Emily and I look at each other, both faking looks of surprise. "What-what are you talking about?" Emily asks, a slightly nervous quality to her voice.

"Em, you two aren't fooling anyone. You're fucking glowing. Did you guys fuck?"

I lean in closer and hiss, "No, and could you be a bit quieter? I don't want them assuming we're doing things we're not."

Effy smiles mischievously. "Well, one, you two are clearly up to something, and two, why shouldn't I tell them?"

"How would you like it if I told them you were giving blow jobs to three people in here?" Emily whispers back angrily.

This makes Effy smile wider. "I dare you."

"Fucking hell, Eff, do this for us. Do it for Em. Keep your damn mouth shut, okay?"

"Alright, alright. I'm only doing this coz we're friends."

"Whatever," I say, still slightly annoyed that she could have broke our secret.

"Ladies and gentlemen, it's morning room time. Ten minutes starting now."

Emily and I hurry back to our room. As soon as I've got the door shut, her lips attack mine. She drives me back against my bed. My knees hit the side, and I fall backwards. She immediately straddles me, sucking hard on my neck.

"Ems, you're gonna leave a mark," I say breathlessly.

"Fuck. Oops."

"Doesn't matter," I reply as I begin to trail kisses up and down her jawline. Emily flushes then jerkily slips her hand down my pants. I don't wear anything under my pajama bottoms, and I feel her fingers lightly rubbing against me.

"What are you doing, Em?" I moan.

She licks her lips, "What does it seem like I'm doing?"

"Fuck, we have less than ten minutes."

"So?"

I sit up angrily, and push her off of me. "I don't want your first time, our first time together, to be a quickie before community meeting."

Her face turns even redder. "I thought that you'd want that. I thought you'd want _me._" There's a note of insecurity in her voice.

"I do want it. Fuck, I don't think I've ever wanted anyone this badly. But I want it to be special."

A smile breaks out on her face. She gives me a bone-crushing hug. "Thanks, Naoms."

"Why are you thanking me?"

She looks away nervously. "I-I just thought that you'd want me to do that now that we're together. I felt sort of rushed."

I take her hands in mine. "Emily, I want to wait until we can make love without worrying about interruptions, or time limits. And I also want to wait until you're ready. I don't want to push you into doing something you don't want to do."

She laughs. "I have a decade of sexual frustration, I think I'm ready. But it means a lot to me that you want to wait."

"Well I'd wait years for you, okay?"

She doesn't answer, just presses her lips to mine in a sweet, chaste kiss. "I knew there was a nice person hiding behind all that hard personality."

I open my mouth to make a witty retort, but the intercom cuts me off. "Naomi Campbell and Emily Fitch, please report to the nursing station."

Oh shit.


	15. Chapter 15

I grab Emily's hand and kiss the back of it. "We'll get through this, no matter what it is, okay?"

She nods, and we head to the nursing station. Sheila motions us to the back room.

"So, uh, what did you want to see us about?" I ask nervously.

Sheila laughs, "Calm down, guys, you've done nothing wrong. It's good news actually. We're sending you out on a four hour pass. We do that so we can see how you interact in the real world. We tried to contact your family, Emily, but we couldn't reach anyone. So you'll be going with Naomi and her mother and her mother's husband."

I feel mixed emotions. On the one hand, Ems and I get to hang out on the outside. On the other hand, it's with my mum and Kieran. Fuck. "So when are we leaving?"

"After community meeting. We'll expect you back by 2:00, alright?"

Emily smiles widely at me, "I'm so excited! I might get to eat real food!"

"And if it's successful, then what happens?" I ask, hoping that I'll get the answer I'm looking for.

"Well, then we'd send you on an overnight trip. If that too goes well, then we may start the discharge process. Maybe."

I turn to Emily with a huge grin on my face, "That's fucking-sorry-freaking amazing!"

My mum meets us right outside the door. "Hey, darling! I'm so excited to see you!" She grabs me and gives me a bone-crushing hug.

"Hi, Mum, it's nice to see you too. This is Emily," I say, motioning to her with my hand. She nervously steps forward and gives a little wave.

"Hello. It's nice to meet you, Ms. Campbell."

Mum smiles widely before enveloping Em in a tight hug. "Call me Gina, love. It's lovely to meet you. Naomi's told me how wonderful you are."

I flush red, "Mum! We need to head out if we're going to have any fun at all."

"Right, right," she agrees, looping her arms around both of us. "So, where are we off to?"

Emily shrugs, "I don't have a preference. I just want something to eat."

I laugh, "Ems, you little fattie. Of course you want to eat. Let's find a restaurant then."

"Done," Mum says, "I saw the loveliest little place on the way up. Called "The Piss Pot." Sound delicious."

I roll my eyes at Emily, who gives a little laugh. So goddamn cute. "So where's Kieran?"

"He's in the car, dear. Hospitals freak him out."

"Freaks me out too," I mumble, catching Emily's hand in mine. We've already turned a corner, so there's no way they can see us. It feels really good. Tingles spread up my arm through to my heart and fill my entire body. I'm out of the hospital and with the girl I love, even if it's only for a few hours.

I think back to Emily's and my earlier conversation.

_ "So, uh, what are we going to tell your mum? I mean about us."_

_ "I hadn't really thought about it, to be honest," I answer sincerely. Her face falls._

_ "Well we don't have to tell them then. Just best-buds, right?" Her voice is weak and I have the feeling I've hurt her again._

_ "No, Ems, you're not getting it. I didn't think about it, not that I don't want them to know. I want to introduce you as the girl I love. I'm just not sure how to best do that. What am I supposed to say, 'Mum, Kieran, this is Emily. I'm so in love with her I feel like my heart's going to explode?' That's a bit blunt."_

_ Her mouth turns up at my words, "Alright, we'll be casual about it, and when the time is right, you can tell them, yeah?"_

_ "Okay," I murmur as I lean in for a kiss._

Mum walks ahead of us jabbering on with what seems like endless chatter. I tune her out and look at Emily. She looks so animated and pleased, and she and my mum seem to actually be getting on well. Not really a surprise, they're both exceedingly nice people.

"Oh my God!" Emily squeals, pulling hard on my arm. "That's wonderful! Isn't it wonderful, Naoms?"

"What? Er, yes, it's lovely."

Mum raises her eyebrows and says dryly, "You weren't listening, love, were you?"

"Ah, no."

Emily gives me a light punch, "Respect your elders!"

"I like this one," Mum says in a stage whisper, giving me a big wink.

"So what were you saying, Mum?" We've reached the car by this point. I'm confused. Mum never used to drive, and Kieran's car was a piece of shit. Standing in front of us was a new-looking mini-van. "What the fuck?"

"Hop in, darling, you might want to sit down for this."

I look at her apprehensively before getting in the backseat.

"Hello, Naomi," Kieran says from the driver's seat with an inclination of his head.

"Hey, Kieran," I reply. Kieran and I have always gotten along, mainly due to our mutual interest in politics.

Emily jumps in the seat next to me, immediately linking our hands again. Mum gets in the front seat next to Kieran. "Buckle up, girls."

We oblige, and then I ask, "So what is it that you're telling me?"

Mum grins wildly, "We, Kieran and I, are having a baby."

My mouth drops open. "What?"

"We're having a baby," my mum repeats, pointing to her stomach, which, come to think of it, does look rather large.

"Congratulations," I say, giving Kieran a handshake.

Mum lets out a big sigh. "Jesus, I thought you'd react worse than that."

"Well, I'm not the old Naomi," I say, squeezing Emily's hand. "And I have something to tell you too."

Mum gives Kieran a nervous look. "What is it, honey?"

I raise our clasped hands. "I'm in love with Emily. And when we get out, we're going to pursue a relationship. Just thought I'd let you know."

Nobody says anything for a few seconds, and I worry that for the first time in my life, my mum isn't going to be supportive of my choice in partner. Then,

"You do realize what you've said," Kieran says looking at me strangely.

"Yes, love, you heard what you said, didn't you? I mean, you've not hit your head on anything have you?"

"What the fuck, guys? I love Emily, can't you be a little happy for me? For us?" Emily looks a little nervous and awkward.

Mum's look of surprise fades, replaced with a wide smile. "Naomi, we weren't surprised by this or unhappy at your admission. I've know you were in love with Emily for weeks. It's just, you've never, ever told us that you've been in love with someone before."

I cross my arms, a little embarrassed. "I'm sure I have." Thinking back on it, I've never really been said I've been in love with someone before. I've loved people sure, but actually I've never been _in_ love with someone.

Kieran and Mum share a look, then both laugh. "I've known you for eight years, Naomi, and I know that you don't tell me much, but I've never heard you ever use the word love. Well at least in the positive sense."

"No, hon, you really haven't," Mum agrees, "But I'm so very happy for the two of you. You seem like a lovely girl, Emily. My Naomi would be lucky to have you."

"Thank you," Emily says, burying her face in my shoulder. "I love her, too."

Mum tries to hug us both from the front seat and fails marvelously. So far, this is actually going well. I'm surprised that nothing terribly embarrassing has happened.

"So, are you two shagging, then?" Dammit, Mum of course has to ruin it. Emily's gaze turns to me and she looks terrified. "No?" She sounds disbelieving.

"No, Mum. We're not shagging."

"Why?" I look at Kieran, hoping he'll knock some sense into her, but he just shrugs.

"For fuck's sake, Mum, this isn't any of your business." I glance over at Emily, who is practically hyperventilating and tomato-red.

"Well it's just you've been so sexual in the past. It's formed the basis for pretty much all your relationships, even with friends. I don't want to call you a slag, but..."

My face turns as red as Emily's. It just gives you that warm feeling inside when your mother calls you a slut. "Jesus H. Christ, shut up!"

"Okay, okay," she says, putting her hands up, "I was just saying-"

"Gina," Kieran admonishes, _finally_ stepping in, "You're embarrassing the girls. Leave it."

"Alright!"

The conversation is pretty much killed after that, and the ride over to the restaurant is filled with an awkward silence. We're quickly seated once we get there because guess what? The place is empty due to the foul smell of disinfectant and shit, I assume.

"Hi, my name is Brendan, I'll be your server today, what can I get you to drink." He doesn't bother looking at us, and his tone could not be more disinterested.

"I'll have a Guinness," Kieran says.

"Hard lemonade," Emily says.

"Er, diet coke for me."

"I'll have water," Mum says cheerfully, "Can't have much else with the baby coming!"

Brandon or Brendan or whatever the hell his name is raises his eyebrows. "That's great," he says sarcastically. He shuffles off, and Mum immediately turns to us.

Emily squeezes my hand under the table, obviously nervous.

"So, Emily, what brought you to Forest Green? You don't have to answer if it makes you uncomfortable."

Emily smiles, "No, uh, Gina, it's fine. I'm schizophrenic."

"And you've been there for how many years?"

"Seven."

"And what are your intentions towards my daughter?"

"Fucking hell, Mum, what are you doing? Is your sole purpose to annoy us?"

She smiles sweetly at me, "Yes, dear, it is."

Emily's hand feels sweaty in mine. "I don't really know. I'm new to the whole relationship thing."

"Pretty girl like you? Hmm, that's a surprise."

"Can we keep on more neutral topics?" I beg. "Like maybe money or politics or religion?"

"Haha, Naomi," Mum shoots back, "I was just having a bit of fun. Welcome to the family, Emily."

Emily grins at my parents. The rest of the lunch goes well, and we have the chance to go to a park. The outside air is lovely, as is the ability to kiss Emily whenever I want. Which I would be doing a lot more of if my mum would stop muttering, 'how precious' and 'so adorable' every time we did it. Mum's brought a camera, and we get some random bicyclist to take a picture. A perfect day.

Emily falls asleep on the drive back. Her head is against my chest and I've been idly playing with her hair. I lean down and give her forehead a kiss. Mum squeals at the sight. But it was pretty quiet luckily. Em doesn't like being woken up, I know that from experience.

"I might get grandchildren," Mum whispers to Kieran. She's never been a good whisperer.

I roll my eyes. "Fuck off, we've never even been on a real date, I think it's a little early to be thinking about children."

"Yes, well I want some, okay?"

"Alright, Mum, I'll get back to you in five years." Emily stirs within my arms.

"What are you talking about?" she asks sleepily.

"Er, the effect that communism had on, um..." I trail off, lost for words because just waking up Emily is so beautiful. I give her a kiss instead of finishing my answer. When I try and deepen it, she pulls away. "What's wrong, baby?"

She doesn't give me an answer, just jerks her head towards the front seat. Mum laughs maniacally, "As if we haven't seen worse."

"Or heard it," Kieran adds unhelpfully.

Emily smiles at me, her eyes twinkling, "Were you a complete slut, Naoms?"

Kieran and Mum break into laughter. I glare at them before turning my attention to Emily. "Not gonna lie, I was a little bit of one."

She nods and says, "Well I suppose that evens out the experience ratio between us."

I blush a little bit. I whisper to her, "Can we not talk about our possible sex life in front of my parents?"

Everyone breaks out into laughter again. Emily manages to choke out, "Naomi, that was possibly the worst attempt at a whisper I've ever heard."

Hmm, like mother like daughter. I flip them off, "Screw you guys!"

Emily pouts, sticking out her bottom lip. "Even me?"

I look down at her, drowning in her brown eyes. Yes, I realize I sound like a completely sap. But I don't even care. "No, beautiful, I could never be angry with you."

"Really, now?" My mum feels the need to interject. "Coz you're a pissy little bitch."

"Again, fuck off," I say, but this day has been too wonderful for me to do anything but halfheartedly curse them out.

"We're here," Kieran says, pulling into a parking spot at the hospital.

"Aw," Emily says with a frown, "I don't want to go back in there."

"Neither do I, but if we do what we're supposed to, we'll get out soon."

"You're right."

Em and I are interviewed about the day, and we tell them how amazing it was. Except without the kissing bits. Mum and Kieran are also interviewed, and I pray to God that they didn't say anything that would incriminate us, though I repeatedly warned them not to say anything about Emily and me. We say our goodbyes, and yes, Mum does burst into tears and has to be pulled away by Kieran, who mumbles something about her hormones.

I flop down on the bed immediately. "I'm exhausted."

"Yeah, well you haven't had any physical exertion in months."

"There is that," I say thoughtfully.

"Well hopefully that will change soon."

"Jesus Christ, I hope so. I don't know how you managed to live in here for seven years. I mean, seriously?"

She shrugs, "Well until recently, my negative symptoms were so bad that I didn't care about being in here."

"Negative symptoms?"

"Yeah, they're like apathy and avolition and poor concentration. Stuff like that."

"Oh," I say dumbly. There's so much about her illness that I don't understand. "I don't know much about you at all."

"Nah, you know what's important."

"Well at least we have the overnight visit on the weekend, we can use that to get closer." Oh, yeah, they decided to sent us on an overnight trip to the beach. For some reason, they decide that Katie of all people, should be our babysitter. Ah, well, Ems and I have a room to ourselves.

"Much closer," she whispers against my neck as she straddles me. I shiver before pushing her off.

"Can't take the build up when I know I'm not getting a release, sorry."

"It's okay," she says with a sexy smirk, "I like knowing that I'm winding you up."

"Whatevs, Emily, I'm so over everything."

She doesn't answer me, doesn't need to. We lie on the bed together, just savoring the feeling of being together.

"Move your arse, Ems!" Katie yells after we pull up to the hotel. "We haven't got all day."

Katie's very pregnant at this point. Her fiance, a greasy guy named Danny, isn't doing much to help with the small bags we have. What a dick. Kept staring at my tits on the way up, when he wasn't suggesting a foursome. Emily smiles at me as we walk up to the room. We're acting like we aren't in love around Danny because we doubt he'd be smart enough to know not to tell. But Emily's been shooting me looks all day. I somehow suspect that we'll be spending more time in bed than on the coast.

We dive onto the bed together after checking in.

"Jesus, this bed feels so wonderful after that horrible hospital bed," I moan, drowning in the duvet.

"Yeah," she says, "This is nice."


	16. Chapter 16

I lean in to kiss Emily but a banging on the door stops me in my tracks. "Who is it?"

"Katie, you dipshits, who else would it be?"

"I'm coming," Emily mutters, opening the door for Katie. She pushes past Emily and plops herself down on the bed.

"What are you two up to then?"

I try and make it look like I wasn't about to jump her sister, and Emily plasters a fake grin on her face, neither of us answering.

Katie laughs, "You two are totally not gonna leave this room this weekend, are you?"

Smiling nervously, Emily says, "Course we are, Katie. We're just really tired and want to take a nap."

"So that means you guys want to have sex, I assume?"

Emily goes really red and starts fidgeting while I try to look more composed. "Well, Katie, I think that's our business."

"Emily, can you fuck off for a little bit?" Katie asks, her face very calm looking. I don't believe it for a second. Neither does Ems it seems.

"We're only supposed to leave the room with you, Katie, so I really can't," Emily says with a grin. I smile widely at her, glad I'm not being left alone with her psycho sister.

"Go into the fucking bathroom and shut the door. I'm serious. Do it or else I won't leave this room the entire trip."

"Go ahead," Emily says defiantly.

I gulp, "Just go in the bathroom, Ems."

"Alright, alright," she grumbles before she heads into the little room. Katie turns to me as soon as the door shuts.

"Come here," she beckons, and I nervously sit next to her on the bed. "Okay, so I know you're going to sleep with her." I open my mouth to protest but she cuts me off. "Don't lie. You've been sex-starved for months now, and Emily is damn sexy. But this better not just be about the sex."

I roll my eyes, "Seriously, Katie? Do you really think I'd go to such elaborate measures just to sleep with her? I mean, yes, she's incredibly gorgeous, but there's something more. I love her, you know that right?"

Apparently not. Katie's eyes go big and she hisses in my ear, "Does she know that?"

"Yes, Katie, calm down. I promise to treat her with love and respect. So stop worrying, yeah?"

"Okay. Em, you can come out now!" Emily reappears, looking suspicious.

"What did you guys talk about?" she asks nervously.

I deadpan, "Katie wants us to have a threesome."

Both Katie and Emily twist up their faces. "Oh, that's disgusting!"

"Ew, I would never do _that _with _her_!"

I laugh at them, and Emily whacks me in the head with a pillow. "Bitch!"

Turning to Katie with what I hope is a winning grin, I tell her, "Katiekins, isn't is about time for you to leave? We're really _sleepy_, so we'd appreciate a bit of privacy for, I don't know, the next 12 hours?"

Katie looks as if she's swallowed something bitter, "Okay, whatever, lezzers, I'm gonna go enjoy the beach with Danny."

"Have fun!" I say cheerily, shutting the door behind her. I turn back to Emily, "So, now we're alone." I waggle my eyebrows at her.

"Yeah," she says in a strangled tone.

"What's wrong?" I ask worriedly.

"Nothing. I'm just being stupid."

I grasp her hands in mine as I maneuver us over to the bed so that we're lying on it. "Em, please tell me."

"Okay," she huffs, "I'm, well, I'm nervous."

"About us having sex?" I ask.

"Yes," she confirms. "I mean, what if I'm shit at it?"

I bring her hands up to my mouth and kiss the backs of them. "You're not going to be bad." She scoffs and looks at me skeptically. I press her hands above my thudding heart. "This, this is what you do to me. Every single touch sets me off. So I know that you're going to be phenomenal. And if you want to wait, then we'll wait. We don't have to anything that you don't want to do, yeah?"

"Okay," she replies, sounding relieved.

We recline on the bed for a while, not doing much. The ball's in her court and we both know it. Finally I resign myself to a bit more celibacy, and close my eyes. Her lips softly brush against mine in a chaste kiss that quickly turns frenzied. I respond with vigor as I pull her on top of me. She moans as she grinds against my stomach. She tears herself away from me to pull off my shirt. I do the same for her after she prompts me to do so. I lean up hungrily, only to have her push me down aggressively. She fumbles with my pants, but manages to get them off without breaking our kiss. I raise my hips slightly to enable her to pull them off easier. She reaches for the top of her skirt, pulling it down with my help. Deciding that as the experienced one, I should be taking charge, I flip her over. My thigh pushes against her just enough to tease. I moan when I feel the wetness seeping onto my leg. I kiss every inch of her body that I can see, then unclasp and pull off her bra in one swoop. My tongue finds her tit, swirling over one while I palm the other, twisting her nipple. I press open-mouthed kisses all along her neck before beginning a descent down, kissing and nipping until I reach the top of her knickers. I halt, not sure what to do. She guides my hands to pull down her black lace panties.

"Are you sure?" I breathlessly gasp.

"Yes," she replies, equally as breathless. I hesitate for a second.

"Please, Naomi. I need you now," she whispers.

I slide down her panties, at the same time kissing my way up her thigh.

She reaches her climax with a gasped 'Naomi', and the sight of her coming just about brings me over the edge. I can tell she's worn out, so I stop her hands from pulling off my knickers, though I do let her take off my bra.

"I love you. I love you so much," I whisper in her ear as she's falling asleep.

"I know, I love you too," she murmurs back to me.


	17. Chapter 17

I can't sleep. I'm reminded of the night that I cut, when I vocalized my feelings for Emily. She's wrapped up in my arms, and all I can do is think of running, of fleeing the room and how I feel. As the experienced one in this relationship, I should be confident and treat her right. But I don't think that's possible for me. I've never had a successful adult relationship. With Tom, I had just been pretending. Hell, I hadn't even been pretending very well. His parents hated me, his sister loathed me, and his friends despised me. I suppose they had good reason to, it's not like I treated him well. And most of relationships before that lasted all of a few weeks before they got over what a sarcastic little bitch I was. I have to leave. I can't stand what I'm feeling. As I try to slide out of the bed, Emily moans and clutches me tighter. Sighing, I realize that I can't leave. That she's got too tight a hold on me for me to ever leave. My breathing is short enough to wake her.

"Is everything alright?" she asks sleepily, rubbing her eyes.

"Yes," I lie tightly, my voice coming out strange.

"Are you sure?"

"_YES,_" I answer a little too forcefully.

She furrows her brow, "It's clearly not. Please just tell me what's wrong." I open my mouth to tell another lie, but seeing her look at me with such concern strikes the thought from my brain. But I still can't muster the effort to tell her what's really wrong.

Finally she mumbles against my chest, her cheeks bright red, "Do you regret earlier? What we, um, did?"

"No!" I say vehemently. "No, not at all. It's just-just..."

"Just?"

"I'm scared," I mumble into her neck. That's what it all comes down to. She's the only one in the world who has power over me, and it's fucking terrifying that my whole world now lies in her hands.

"Why?" she asks softly, gently caressing my cheek.

"Coz, coz I love you so much. Too much. And it's killing me." I can't help the tears that fall down my face, dripping their salty wetness onto Emily's neck.

She swallows heavily, before sniffing loudly and asking me, "Are you breaking up with me?", as her tears mingle with mine.

"NO!" I actually shout, scaring both of us. "Never. That's just it. I never want to be away from you. I sound like a fucking made-for-TV movie, but you complete me. You're it, Em. When we get out, I want to keep in touch. I want to be with you in the real world."

She nods quickly, "Of course, Naoms, I want that too. Might be a bit hard what with the living situation. Suppose I can get public housing anywhere, right? I could go to London with you and Katie."

"Public housing?" I ask, slightly distracted from our conversational topic.

"Yes. My parents won't take me in and I don't want to ruin Katie's newlywed period."

"Your parents won't take you in?" I respond incredulously.

A look of sadness crosses her features, "No. They're much too embarrassed by their schizo daughter to have any contact with her at all."

"Aw, Ems," I say, pulling her into a tight hug. "That's terrible. But I don't want you in public housing." I hope she's getting my subtle hint.

"I don't have a choice, Naomi. Don't have a cent to my name."

"Youcouldstaywithme," I rush out.

"Really?" she asks, turning to get a better look at my eyes.

"Um, yeah. It's not a big place, and the super, Mr. McCormack, is a bit of a creep, but it's alright."

"Are you positive that you want a schizo you've only known for a few months to live with you?"

I nod. "Yes. While it is soon and not at all ideal, I would love to live with you. So, will you move in with me once we get out of this shithole?"

"I'd be honored," Emily replies, before straddling me and leading to entirely different sensations.

Emily and I have been dragged out of our room by Katie. Prematurely in my opinion. Emily and I had just started fooling around, and I was hoping I was going to be on the receiving end in our second sexual encounter, but no. Katie pounded on the door and told us to 'fucking get dressed, you dirty lesbians"! She insists that we're going to have dinner and it's 'gonna be fucking top notch'. We're in the hotel restaurant, and the air is awkward, to say the least. Katie knows that I just took her sister's virginity, Emily seems very self-conscious of the fact, and Danny looks like he's going to jizz his pants looking at the three of us. He seems entirely unaware of the atmosphere, and I almost have to thank him. He's been talking about his football team for about twenty minutes now, saving the three of us any need to talk. But fuck me, listening to him talk for so long is really making me want to get shitfaced.

"So then I was passing the ball to Thomo, and he looked at me like I was fucking mad! I yelled to him, 'go with it, I know what I'm doing'. Babes, do you remember what happened after that?"

Katie sighs loudly, "Yes. You got the ball back and scored. It was well sexy."

Danny nudges her in the shoulder, "And remember what happened after the game? In the locker room showers?" He starts making this noise, which I suppose is a laugh, a wheezing and unattractive laugh, but one all the less.

Emily goes faintly green, and I can't help the look of disgust that crosses my face. Katie has the decency to look slightly embarrassed. With a little slap upside the head, she hisses, "Not in front of my sister, you idiot!"

He pouts, and on a grown man as ugly as he is, it's even more unattractive than his laugh. Katie rolls her eyes, and leans in to give him a kiss. A kiss that turns into a nauseating make-out session. I clear my throat. Katie pulls herself away, while Danny continues to look at her lecherously. The silence stretches out for a few uncomfortable seconds. Emily's nose is in the menu, despite us having ordered five minutes ago. I take a deep breath, then shake my head. I look Katie straight in the eyes, trying to show her how much I actually care for her sister. She meets my gaze, and softens, nodding almost imperceptibly. Clearing my throat, I decide to make some small talk.

"So, Katie, do you work?"

She grins at this, a truly genuine smile that I don't think I've ever seen before. "Yes. I work at a wedding planning business. The London branch of my mum's company."

"Oh, okay. That sounds nice."

"I love it. Weddings are such fairytale affairs, so beautiful. Ems and I have been planning our weddings since we were little, right Emsy?"

"Oh really?" I say, raising my eyebrows, and turning towards a reddening Emily.

"Yeah," Katie replies with a wicked smile. "I should have known something was up when she told me that her groom wouldn't be wearing a suit."

"Shut up," Emily mutters without any venom in her voice. "I'm not getting married any time soon."

"You even got a boyfriend yet?" Danny asks, looking puzzled.

Katie and I roll our eyes in tandem this time.

"In a mental hospital," I tell him, knowing he couldn't keep the secret.

"Gay," Katie says at the same time, surprising both Em and I. She sees us looking at her in shock, and sighs, "You're a proper lezzer now, can't do much about it."

With Emily's hair and face a very red monochrome, I pat her on the back. "Buck up, Em, she's just jealous that you're going to get to be with hot girls—girl, rather—instead of sweaty men."

Danny doesn't seem to understand that I'm making fun of him, and Katie doesn't bother to defend him. I thinks she's resigned to being with the oaf. But she still shoots back, "As if!"

"It's okay, Katie, enough lesbian love to go around," I say seductively, licking my lips as I do so.

"Eurgh," Katie groans, "No thanks."

Emily squeezes my thigh hard enough to make me let out an 'ouch!'. "It's not really appropriate for you to be hitting on my sister, is it Naoms?"

"No," I say with a grin, "But since when has doing the appropriate thing ever been fun?"

"And how would I know that?" Emily retorts with a smile.

"I think I could show you a little bit."

"EW!" Katie squeals, "Enough! Stop hitting on each other. It's, uh, not like you two are together, _right_?" Emily and I both nod seriously.

"No, nothing between us," Emily says, with me nodding solemnly.

"Babes, I'm kinda liking this whole lezzer thing," Danny interjects with a lurid smile. He turns to Emily, "How about you put on that show that I've been asking you for all these years?"

A swell of jealous (and righteous) anger overcomes me, but the look of revulsion on Emily's face is enough to make me laugh.

"Danny," she says slowly, as if talking to a child, "Nothing is ever going to happen between you and me; you, me, and Katie; you and Naomi; you, Naomi, and Katie; or all four of us together. You'd have a better chance with both of us if you got a sex change."

"Fiesty! I like that in a woman!" He lowers his eyes to Emily's tits, and I see red.

"Mmm," I tell him, "Guess that's what you see in Katie then. Don't know what she's sees in you, but hey, she's marrying you. Maybe you kicked a ball into her head, caused some kind of brain damage? Or perhaps she wast mesmerized by your utter stupidity? Coz I doubt it can be from your miniscule dick!" I'm mad at him for ogling Emily, and it all just slips out.

This time even someone as thick as Danny can tell that I've insulted him, and I glance worriedly at Emily, hoping she won't be too pissed off. But as I watch her, I see her struggle to keep a smile from appearing on her face. Danny storms off, saying that even though 'all lesbians need is a good ride on the cock to cure them', he doesn't want to be made fun of. Katie gives us both a dirty look.

"Well now look what you've done! Now I'll have to go give him a blow job! I shouldn't be on my knees when I'm seven months pregnant! God! We'll be back in a few minutes, Danny doesn't take long." She stalks off after Danny, yelling to him that she'll 'do that thing that he likes'. Emily swivels in her seat so she's staring at me.

"That wasn't very nice, Naomi," she says, trying to keep her voice even, though her eyes are twinkling.

"I'm not a very nice person, babes," I respond with a wheezy, Danny-like chuckle. "Fancy going to the locker room showers and showing me a good time?"

"He's going to be my brother-in-law," Emily says, still fighting to keep a straight face.

"Yeah, sucks for you. Really sorry your sister has shit taste!"

Emily smacks me lightly on the back of my head. "Well if you plan on being a part of my life, then he'll be in your life too!"

"God. No. Spare me."

"Yeah, I just hope that Katie dumps his sorry arse. She really can do so much better."

"_Anyone_ could do better."

She smirks at this, "Uh huh, I've already done better, and I met you in the loony bin!"

"Geez, you know how to make a girl feel special."

"It's one of my better qualities."

Before I get the chance to reply, our waiter brings our food. I don't miss the look he shoots Emily as he sets down her plate. She smiles at him, friendly and oblivious. It doesn't make me feel any less jealous.

"Mmm," Emily moans quietly as she takes a bite out her dinner, "This is so good! You have to try it!"

I oblige and take a bite. "Yeah, it's pretty good."

"'Pretty good'?" Emily repeats. "This is amazing!"

I lean over and whisper in her ear, "Better than sex?"

She blushes, and looks around nervously, as if expecting someone to be affronted, even though I'm sure no one heard me but her. Shyly, but sincerely, she answers, "No."

"Good. Don't know how I'd feel playing second fiddle to fettuccine alfredo."

With a devilish smirk, she leans into me, licking the shell of my ear before murmuring, "You taste much better, I think."

I swallow thickly, turned on both by her comment, and the way she flipped the tables on me. "Um, can we go back to the room? Like, now?"

"Nope," she replies sweetly, popping the the 'p'. "We're waiting for Katie...and Danny."

"Are you serious? I don't want to sit across the table from her, knowing she just had his cock in her mouth. Gross."

"Think about how she felt earlier? Similar situation, eh?"

"No, me _making love_ to you is different from your sister giving her dodgy wanker of a fiance head. Just a bit."

"Okay," she concedes, "But I'm actually starving, and I want to eat."

Scowling, I mumble, "I _am_ playing second fiddle to pasta."


	18. Chapter 18

Katie returns with a very pleased looking Danny. She takes a swig of her Sprite before she's even sat down. Emily smiles at them, then says, "Naomi's very sorry, Danny. She's not feeling her best today."

Danny nods sagely, "I understand. Is it her time of the month then?"

Grabbing my hand and squeezing it tightly to keep me and my mouth quiet, Emily gives him another smile. "Something like that."

"Right," I agree, feeling Emily squeeze my hand again. "Ladies time."

Katie scoffs a little bit, but then stuffs her face with a bite of her salad.

"You're still hungry, babe?" Danny asks, leering at her, "Thought I would have.._filled you up_." He nudges her as if he's made some great secretive joke, even though I suspect the senile old couple next to us understands just as well as the rest of us. His subtlety continues to stun me. Also,

EW! EW! EEEWWW!

"I, uh, have to go to the bathroom!" I announce, grabbing Emily and pulling her with me.

Emily looks all too ready to follow, muttering something about tampons as I pull her through the restaurant. Once we've exited the Room of Nausea-Inducing Horrors, we slow down. Emily leans against the wall.

"Em, you can't let that douchebag join your family. He's awful!"

"I know we were knocking on him earlier, but seriously, we should give him more of a chance."

"Did you know that Katie swallows? Coz now I do, and I really have no need to know that little tidbit."

A humorless chuckle escapes from Emily before she mutters, "At least he's not making jokes about taking her to the 'spa' and giving her a facial like he did last time he came with Katie to visit. That was especially scarring. Normally, though, he's not this bad."

"I'm praying to God in heaven that he's not. Hell, might as well send some wishes to Buddha and Vishnu and Osiris while I'm at it."

"Well Katie is knocked up. Danny can help her raise the baby, so it has a father. Can't complain too much."

"Fucking hell, at this point, I'll be the baby's goddamn father! We can adopt it because we sure as fuck don't have any business having biological children!"

A look of sadness or disappointment washes over her face before she puts on a fake smile. "Yep, we can adopt my twin sister's kid; she'll look just me, but with less of the bad genes!"

"You don't have bad genes, baby," I tell her as I lean in for a kiss. She deflects my attention by turning her cheek to me. "Hey, what was that about?"

She looks back around, "Hmm, I'd say it was because you told me I shouldn't have a baby."

"Well I actually said that you shouldn't conceive your own—never mind. I was just joking."

"I know, but it's true, isn't it? If I have a kid, then it's more likely to go schizo. Like a much higher risk."

"Seriously, Em, I was just kidding. Everyone runs that risk, we just might be a bit higher risk than the general population. It's not a big deal"

"Yeah, but it wouldn't be fair to put them at risk."

"Em, you're what, 24? I think there's more than enough time to figure this out."

She softens, "Yeah. I know. But I've always wanted my own kids, right? And it's not like this is the first time I've thought about it. Spend so much time locked up, you get get to thinking. But fuck it, you are right. Let's go back, try to get through the meal, then go back to the room." She leans forward and whispers in my ear, "We were so rudely interrupted."

The rest of dinner went okay. Danny was pretty muted, and the sheer horror of his earlier comments made the awkwardness between Emily, Katie, and me seem like nothing. I got to hear about this wedding that Katie was planning for some very high profile celebs. I scored an invite(if I'm out and about by then), and I think I might go. Free drinks, maybe some sort of swag bag or a car or something. Katie and Em weakly suggested that we go to the pool, but I think Danny and I were more eager to return to the rooms. Shit, I hope that's the last time I ever mention Danny and I thinking alike.

* * *

We're on our way back up to the room. Em kissed me in the elevator, and we were fully making out when the door opened and an elderly couple looked at us in horror. I dragged Emily out, and said in a stage whisper, "Let's go have unnatural homosexual relations!" To my surprise, the woman smiled and gave us a thumbs up.

I help Emily pull off her dress as we stumble towards the bed. I let her lead this time, and she eases me out of my trousers while keeping her lips on my neck, my shoulder. She makes to remove my shirt, but this is where I call the line. While I was fine with getting almost naked when I was the one in control, having her look at me without my clothes, with full view of my self-inflicted scars, is not happening.

"What's wrong," she says huskily, continuing to tug at the bottom of my shirt.

"Nothing, keep going. My shirt doesn't need to come off, does it?"

"Fucking yes, it does!"

I swallow uncomfortably. I suppose that Emily will see my body eventually. I do plan on spending, well, _forever_ with her. Nodding in agreement, I help her pull it off, unclasping my bra at the same time. My clothes are unceremoniously thrown to the side. She inhales sharply at the sight of me under her, completely naked. Instinctively, I wrap my arms around myself. I think I might cry.

"Beautiful," she murmurs before kissing down my neck, towards my tits. I snort involuntarily. "What?"

"Beautiful? Look at me, Em. This ain't pretty." And it's not. The scars on my stomach are the worse, I think. My thighs and upper arms have neat, short pink lines. But it's my belly that I've disfigured the most. I was an angry teenager, as anyone can see by the deep cuts I slashed on myself. They haven't healed evenly; I didn't bother to go to a doctor

Em pulls my chin up. "You're beautiful."

"I'm scarred. I look like I collided with a train full of knives."

"I don't care. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen." Her tone is so sincere that I almost believe it.

"You have to say that, you're my girlfriend."

"No!" she scowls. "I don't. Yes, you have scars. But they are a part of you, and while I wish you hadn't felt the need to make them, I can appreciate them. You've come so far. And I think you should shut up and let me ravage you. Any more procrastinating, and I'll lose my nerve and won't know what to do. So unless you don't want to get any, you're gonna shut up and believe me when I tell you how sexy I find you. Okay?"

"Fine," I say, not managing to keep the smile off my face.


	19. Chapter 19

I slept better last night than I ever have before. I mean, wow. Just wow. For someone with no experience, Emily was fucking fantastic. No—even for someone with a lot experience, she was amazing. I'm sore in all the right places, and I finally have that warm feeling in my chest. The sheets are loosely tangled around us, the bright red of Emily's hair colliding with the cream color of the silky fabric.

She rubs her eyes, and looks up at me. "Morning," she says huskily, her voice irresistibly sexy.

"Hey," I reply, my lips against her neck.

Squirming a little bit, she says slash moans, "Stop, I'm ticklish!"

I pull back enough to look her in the eyes, "Is that supposed to make me stop, Em? Coz, no. Just no." Continuing to make her laugh and moan at my teasing, she arches into my touch. I slide my hands over her chest, tweaking her nipples, before lightly rubbing patterns onto her abs.

"I'm really happy it was you," she says, before beginning to kiss my neck.

"What?"

Not looking up at me, but with confidence nonetheless, she tells me, "My first time. I'm glad it was with you."

"I'm glad it was too. If I wasn't your first, then you might dump me for being so bad in bed!" I give a weak little chuckle. Though I certainly share her sentiment, I can't help but try and lighten the conversation.

"I'm serious, Naoms."

"Yeah. Me too. Sharing that with you was amazing, and meaningful, and it meant the world to me."

"I like it when you're honest about your feelings. It's sweet."

"I do try for you. Only you, really. All bets are off with everyone else." I'm surprised to realize it's true. Emily really has wormed her way into my heart. Like a heart tapeworm—a heartworm! Ohh...

"You know what else is sweet?" Emily asks seductively, licking her lips. Before I can respond (well in words, that is; my body is already on fire), the hotel phone rings.

"Goddammit, Katie," I groan, reaching for the highly offensive appliance.

Sure enough, it is Katie. "Hello, lezzer. Can you pry yourself off my sister for long enough pack?"

"What?"

"Fuck, we both know you two are screwing each other, so don't try and deny it!"

I shake my head, "No, not that. Of course Emily and I are fucking-sorry-making love. What do you mean about packing?"

"We, uh, we're leaving today, yeah? Have to be back at the hospital in like five hours, right?"

"Fuuuck..." I say, reality hitting me like a sledgehammer to the face. "Five hours?"

"That's with no stops on the way, so I'd say more like four and a half."

"Shit. I'll make sure we're downstairs in a bit."

Emily looks at me sadly, "So we're going back soon?"

"Yep. We need to be packed and ready in fifteen."

"I don't want to go back."

"I know."

"I don't think we should go back."

"I know—wait what?" This does not sound good..

"I don't think we should go back," Emily repeats.

"That really does not seem like the best idea."

"We're better, Naoms. I don't want to go back to be imprisoned."

"Right, but if we run away then we'll end up there for longer."

"Not if they don't catch us."

"Oh, so we're going on the lam for an indefinite, undetermined time period with the vast reserves of contacts and money I have," I ask sarcastically, "That sounds perfect! The fact that we will have zero meds is even better."

"You don't have to get bitchy," Emily retorts, crossing her arms.

"Well you did just suggest that we break the law and become fugitives while our illnesses consume us."

She doesn't say anything to this, just leaks a few tears and effectively makes me feel like a huge asshole.

"Sorry for being bitchy about it," I offer. "It surprised me, that's all. Why, why did you suggest it?"

Emily shrugs at this, "I dunno. Just want this weekend not to end. Want it to be like this when we get out. My Insecurity, I suppose."

A lightbulb goes off in my head. "Em, you know that I'm gonna feel the same about you when we get out as the way I feel now. Which is to say, completely and madly in love."

This makes her look slightly pacified, enough to pack up her shit quickly, so that we have about 10 minutes to do some final making out and groping before we head downstairs.

The debriefing this time was a much longer process. Thankfully, Danny had a match, so we dropped him off before we returned. I don't think I could have stood being in the car with him much longer, what with the horrible laugh and his wandering hand. Plus the fact that he would have spilled something about Em and me that would be detrimental.

I swear that the hospital workers know something about Ems and I. My mum did say that it was clear that I loved Emily, but she's known me a lot longer than they have. Obviously.

We haven't talked since the car ride, having been separated almost immediately. But they told me that my tentative release date was set, ten days from now.

I don't know what I'm going to do if Emily isn't released at the same time.

"So," I say as Emily comes into the room, plopping onto her bed without meeting my gaze, "Did they tell you about your release?"

She nods, still not looking at me.

"And...?"


	20. Chapter 20

**Sorry about the flooding of emails you must be getting. Bedlam is back up, Devil and College Life to follow soon.**

"12 days," she mutters, look unhappily at the blankets, carefully avoiding my gaze.

"12 days," I repeat and she nods. "That's amazing! I'm getting out in 10, so I can go ahead and get everything sorted, yeah?"

She gives me a sad little look, "They know, Naoms."

"So what? We're getting out in less than two fucking weeks!"

Big tears start leaking out, making me want to punch someone in the face, "They don't want us together and they are going to enforce that."

I scowl, creasing my brow in confusion, "Considering we are two _consenting adults_, I don't really understand how they would do that. Oh, Emily, we're going to send someone home with you to make sure you don't consort with Naomi? Is that how it's gonna work? I'm not too worried."

"Fuck!" she says angrily, "They're going to get a restraining order for you against me."

Scoffing, I let out a little chuckle which is soon quashed by Emily's still very serious face. "Are fucking kidding me? I mean, there's at least two huge, gaping holes in this plan. One, I don't want a fucking restraining order against you! Two, on what grounds would they get this put this into action?"

"Well they actually want us both to stay away from the other, so they might try getting one against you if this doesn't work. To put it simply, we are still technically wards of the state right now. My parents signed away my rights when I was a teenager, and I was similarly convinced to give the hospital power of attorney once my parents abandoned me. And you, you were of course involuntarily committed, and I think you signed off on more time here."

"Okay, they have power over us. So what? They can't just decide to do this just because of our mental illnesses. That doesn't even sound legal!"

"No, they're not technically doing that . They are using the time I hit you as proof of physical assault. And against you, they are saying that you sexually took advantage of a mentally disabled person."

"So us being together is that bad? No. Fucking no. And how the hell do they know that we're together. They don't have fucking cameras in here do they? Did that goddamn whorebag Effy tell them? And there's no fucking proof!"

"They think that when if you get manic, you'll be a bad influence and try to get me to stop my meds. And they've suspected it for a while. Katie cracked a bit. They told her that if she told them that she witnessed or had evidence of a sexual relationship that I would get out."

"That fucking bitch, she just hates me doesn't she?"

Emily rolls her eyes angrily, "Stop bashing her, okay? She didn't throw us under the bus on purpose. No. They told her that they wouldn't release me if she didn't tell them what they wanted. They truly feel as though I'm a bad influence on you or something. Or vice versa."

"Fuck them. It's our life, and we can be together if we want!"

I am literally seeing red right now. This seems completely illegal, and at the very least morally wrong. But I remember signing off on a form that agreed to six months more of treatment. The lawyer had said that if I didn't sign, I would have to go to a hearing with a judge. Tired and depressed as I was on that day, I had signed. Just like all the other patients. I'm gonna fucking snap. Cook's bouts of anger? Nothing compared to what I'm going to unleash on them.

"You look scary, Naoms."

I barely register Emily's concerned comment due to the erupting rage that's threatening to escape. She grabs at my arm, but I hit it away way too hard. Seeing her cower away breaks me out of the haze of anger. "I'm sorry."

Emily swallows thickly, "It's okay. But we're gonna have to figure something out. Or accept that we can't actually be together."

The last sentence hits me hard, like a knife in my chest. I slide down the wall onto the floor. Weakly, I ask, "You want to give us up? I know you want to get out, but...Well, if you want that, then I'll stand aside." I laugh slightly hysterically, "I'll stay 500 yards away, hell, I will accept 'no contact'. And don't feel like you have to display some sort of loyalty or something to me. I'd much rather you be happy and free than stuck in this dump."

She tries to get me to stand up, but I'm too weak and jelly-limbed. In a total of about five minutes, I've been destroyed. This, this is why I don't give people a chance. All they'll do is crush you.

"God, give me a little help," Emily groans as she physically lifts me up by my arms. "Look at me. _Look at me_. Okay, you need to calm down. You're getting way ahead of yourself. I don't know why I said that—I was trying to give you an out, yeah? If you want to fight for our relationship, then I will be right there with you. I love you, and I don't want to get out if I can't be with you."

My heart swells up a little bit at her words. "I'm going to fix this, Em. I really am."

It's community meeting, and we're all sitting around. Everyone joins in: nurses, doctors, social workers, plus all the patients. Emily and I told them yesterday that we were not in a sexual relationship, but they could barely contain their disbelief. So we both orally agreed that we would not see each other when we got out. There were forms, but they said we could sign them on the day we got out.

"Thanks, JJ. I'm sure that I speak for everyone when I say that was a certainly enlightening, er, discussion." Jay had been telling us the history of model airplanes, I'm still not sure how it related to the question, 'what is your goal for the day', but he seemed to enjoy himself. "Who wants to go next? Hmm, I guess you're the only one that hasn't gone yet, Naomi. Care to do one last community update before you leave tomorrow?" It's the hardass director of the ward, Harriet, here to make our lives hell.

"Yeah," I agree with the same saccharin smile I've been giving the staff since we got back from the coast. "I guess I have something I really want to get out there."

"Okay, go ahead."

"I'm fucked up. Have been for years." There's a shift, some of the staff looks uncomfortable while my fellow patients have smiles on their faces. "When I came here, my life was a wreck, I'll admit it. I was cutting, I was sleeping with random strangers, drinking heavily, lots of drug usage, and I had a deep sense of emptiness and loneliness. I wasn't heading anywhere with my life—I'd driven my friends and family away, my lack of respect and drive was keeping me in my dead-end job, and the only people who actually gave a damn about me were my ex-boyfriend and my mother. The meds have helped clear my view a lot, and some of the therapy may have actually made a difference. But none of that even compares with the difference my fellow patients have made on me.

"JJ: I don't really know you too well, but you have a good heart. And you've taught me tonnes of shit that I never really cared to learn, that will never help me in life, but was still interesting all the same.

"Freddy: Your thoughtfulness and kindness shows me that I can be a functional person with bipolar disorder that doesn't snap at everything.

"Panda: You're a sweetheart. You made me laugh even when I was most depressed. I know that your world is a little different from mine, but you let me see a side to reality that I haven't encountered before.

"Cook: You're a tit. And a misogynist little pig, but you're loyal. You made interacting with my evil ex a hell of a lot easier. Putting your douchebaggery aside, you can be a good friend. I'm gonna miss you.

"Effy: Never has such mysteriousness and psychic behavior been so frustrating and helpful at the same time. I know we've had some differences, but I think that once you sort your shit out, you'll get far.

I turn towards Emily, taking a big breath, "Emily. I don't know what I can say to you." I address the circle as a whole. "I love Emily. I'm _in_ love with Emily. I probably have been ever since she asked me about the flomozzles. She's the only person who's really gotten through my defenses. We were forced together, and there wasn't much running away and hiding that I could do. I fell fast and I fell hard, even if I didn't realize it at the time. I know that the staff might not believe that us continuing a relationship when we get out is a good idea. But that's just not true. Emily is my rock, my savior. Without her, I would have no motivation to get up, let alone take my meds. She keeps me from cutting when I'm down, and from blowing up when I'm angry. She sweet without being sugary, and makes me feel like I am someone special. Without her, I'll just revert back to the old Naomi: cold, defiant, depressed, angry, I could go on. I'd like to think that I help her a tenth of how much she helps me. I'm a proud person, but I am begging you to let us be." I drop to my knees, not caring how demeaning and humiliating this is. "Please. This isn't the place for romance, but I couldn't escape it. If you take Emily away, I don't know how I'll cope."

No one says anything. Well Panda says, "I'd really like some more tea, Mr. Bunny," as she plays with the stuffed animal she carries around. So that doesn't count.

I half expect a slow clap to start, but it doesn't. Instead, the other patients are hustled into their rooms while Emily and I are dragged to an office.

"That was quite some stunt," one of the nurses comments, "Sweet, though."

Another nurse smacks her on the arm, "Not appropriate."

Harriet walks in, files under her arms. She takes a seat across us, and Emily instinctively grabs my hand. I can see Harriet's eyes follow the movement, but she doesn't say anything about it.

"You understand why we don't want you together. The possibility of being sued if something goes wrong is high. Legally it wouldn't make sense. But, if you are both willing to sign off that you and your families will not sue if the case of a negative consequence of your union, then we will relent."

Emily and I smile and nod.

"So that's all my stuff," I groan as I move the last trashbag to the doorway. "Mum's loaded all the other stuff in the car."

Emily nods, looking teary-eyed. "I'm going to miss you."

"I'm going to miss you too, but I need to get our apartment ready for us to live in. And it's only two days. Then we'll be back together, and can do whatever we want. Which, in my opinion, should be lots of sex."

"One track minded pig," she says, lightly hitting my arm.

"Aw, you know you love it," I murmur, pulling her into and embrace. We hug for a few minutes as my mum puts the last bag in the car or something. All the forms are filled out, I just need to leave.

It's hard to do when Em can't come just yet.

But like all good things, it must come to an end. I kiss her softly, "I'll be waiting."

"I'll see you on the outside."

As I leave the ward, I look back at her. Our eyes meet, and I know that this is forever. I'll never stop loving her.

**END!**

**Epilogue soon :)**


	21. Chapter 21

**This is it...**

**EPILOGUE**

Emily shakes me awake anxiously. "Time to get up, time to get up!"

"Jesus," I groan, glancing at the clock and reading 4:39 AM, "It's not Christmas, Ems. I've got work in the morning. Much as I'd like to fu-"

"Shut up," she tells me, covering up my mouth. "I didn't wake you up for _that_. Kieran just called—your mum's water broke."

"Lovely," I mutter sleepily, curling around my pillow, "She's really clumsy, Ems. You know that. She couldn't stop knocking things over when I was a kid. Vases, picture frames, coffee mugs. Who cares if she broke her water..."

"No!" Emily says insistently, poking me uncomfortably. "_Her water broke! _As in, she's going into labor!"

This has a much more rousing effect than the previous few sentences. "Her water broke! Oh god, oh god. We need to get to the hospital right now."

"Clearly!"

We arrive to find Mum, smiling as always, in a room with a very nervous looking Kieran. She doesn't seem to be that far into the ordeal.

"Christ, mum. You seem to be in good spirits."

"Thank god you're here," Kieran says, grabbing us both into a hug. "She's been-"

"You better get over here, you Irish bastard! I want to squeeze your hand again!" Okay, so maybe not as cool and collected. I guess she's having a contraction..

Kieran swivels around with a look of pure terror on his face. "You've gotta help me! She's trying to break my fingers!"

"It's your fault I'm in this state! Be a man and come here!"

"Yes, you're right. Squeeze as hard as you'd like, love," he says, apprehensively giving her his hand.

"And you c'mere too!" Like a deer in the headlights, I stumble forwards, joining my extremely anxious stepfather.

Emily tries to smile calmingly at both of us as we're clearly shitting bricks. "What can Naomi and I do to make you more comfortable, Gina?"

I've got a brother. A beautiful, healthy little brother. They haven't chosen a name yet. Mum wants something simple, doesn't want to fuck this one over with a name. Ha! Fat chance, that. Kieran wants some horribly long and confusing Irish name. My interests lie with holding him and making sure that he's comfortable in his little booties and hat and blanket. Soft. I'm becoming way too soft. Emily is sitting in a chair, passively watching the proceedings. Mum tried to get her to weigh in on the naming debate. She had quietly declined, mumbling about it being a 'family matter'.

Naturally, with my mother being the person she is, she just looked at her and shook her head, begging Emily to take her side, since I was too busy to deal with this serious matter. Geez, mum, I didn't realize actually paying attention to the baby was less important than arguing over his name.

'God, one of my daughters needs to help me' was mum's exact statement, if I'm not mistaken. I have to remember to thank mum for that one. Even though Emily's relationship with her parents has improved, she's still got major trust issues and a justifiable anger towards them. She practically melted into the floor with happiness when mum (in her decidely casual manner) included her in our family. Not that I wouldn't do the same.

"I told Katie I would babysit for her tonight, so I've got to go," Emily says apologetically, standing up and getting her things. "She can't get off work, it's a big wedding today."

"That's fine, love. Take Naomi with you."

"Mum," I protest, "I want to be here with you and the baby."

"Yes," she says sternly, "But you can't exactly take maternity leave to help your married mother, so you're going to have to leave some time anyway. You've been up since 4:30 AM, and it's 7:30 now. Get some rest. And maybe once you leave, Kieran and I will have the chance to hold our child! You've been a baby hoarder, hon."

"Okay," I say, biting my lip. "You're sure you'll be fine, Mum?"

"Very sure. Kieran's here, his sisters are coming down tomorrow, and some of my friends from the commune will be visiting. Go, get some rest. Or whatever you two kids do."

Em's lucky that she's in the hallway already, else she's be bright as a beet. Still hasn't gotten used to my mum joking about our sex life. Actually, I have the same problem.

"Night, mum, Kieran, little brother. I'm coming tomorrow on my lunch break, so don't try and keep me away!"

"Stop being a bother and just go with that fit girlfriend of yours!"

The drive to Katie's is pretty silent, though I'm not sure why. Hmm.

Katie had her baby a little prematurely, but Emily and I were both there for the birth. Well, I was trying not to puke in the corner while Emily held her hand for the entirety of the process. For some reason, I was tasked with trying to locate Danny. After several calls, a throaty female voice had answered his phone and told me that 'Danno is a bit busy now'. Fine, I already knew he was a cheating scumbag. Of course it was more unpleasant when she accidentally called me back and I got to hear 10 seconds of Danny having sex with some chick. Believe me when I say that it was the most horrifying moment of my life.

Katie had got over his shit after coming home from the coast and finding him with a girl. He claimed that he was shit-faced and thought the girl was her. Yeah..coz a blonde American bimbo without a brain in her, let alone a fetus, certainly seems like Katie. They had broken up after that, but Katie still wanted him there for the birth of their child.

Instead, she was forced to have another man be there with her, coaching along every step of the way. Who?

Tom..

Yes, Tom. My ex-fiance. I was just a little bit high that night and Emily had obviously never learned to drive. So I called the only person I knew lived close enough to get us there quick. Once we got there, I expected him to leave, but it was like love-at-first-sight. Not for Tom. That would be weird, falling in love with some girl popping out another man's baby in front of you. There was an obvious attraction, though. A week after little "Anne" was born, with Katie just coming home from the hospital, Tom had called me and asked if I would think it was too weird for him to date Katie. I put my revulsion at the thought of them having sex away, and gave him my blessing. I've screwed him around enough (and he had been dating since we broke up, and I do think he's over me).

They really work, y'know? Tom wants someone who's bossy and will order him around. He's not spineless completely, just likes the girl to wear the pants. And Katie fit with his wish to settle down and have kids. Katie, of course, loved having a guy like him. The fact that he actually had a good job, didn't cheat, liked kids, and wasn't a douchebag was a big draw for them. They've been dating for around three months now.

"Em, I just realized something."

"Yeah?" she asks, sounding distracted still.

"I've slept with Tom. And Tom has slept with Katie. So I've kind of slept with Katie by proxy!"

That earns a little snort from her, "Hun, if that were true, then Tom has had sex with half of London."

"True. Mostly I wanted to get your attention. You seem a bit distant. Are you okay?"

She nods, dragging her eyes away from the window, but not looking at me. "Sorry. I got a bit distracted, yeah?"

"Okay. But everything's alright?"

"Yeah," she says, covering my hand with her own. "It's all fine."

"You're not just telling me that so I'll shut up?"

"A bit..."

I squeeze her hand before bringing it towards my lips and giving her knuckles a kiss. "You can tell me stuff, you know that, right? I don't want you keeping silent about something if you want to talk about it. But when you're hurting and I can't help you, it hurts me too."

"Fine. I'm just wondering why my family-well my mother to be honest-can't be like yours. I know that Gina pissed you off when you were a teenager, I'm not trying to say she's perfect. But my mum is just dreadful. And I feel like shit when your parents accept me and are kind to me when my parents treat you like shit."

"Well don't feel bad on my account. I've never been too popular with the family. Besides, your parents didn't treat me like shit as much as they treated you like shit. Damn, that didn't not come out right."

I think back to the first time Jenna and Rob had visited. They had first off assumed that Emily was living with Katie. Then they thought I was running some sort of group home, despite the fact that Emily and I live alone. When they saw me kiss Emily goodbye before I left to give them some alone time, Jenna accused me of abusing my power and station..and told me she was going to call the police. I'd like to say it went better when it came out that she was my girlfriend. Not so much. They were pleased that Em had a place to live and food to eat, though I'm not sure if that was out of true gratitude or that they were happy they didn't have to financially support. Anyway, things have been getting better. Rob tries, comes down every time he has a day off. I think he feels guilty for what basically constitutes abandonment. Out of sight, out of the mind of a man with more muscle than brains. Katie also told Jenna she could fuck off and not be involved with her granddaughter's life.

"How I am supposed to know you're not gonna do a runner if Anne has problems? I would rather you not be in her life at all if you can't promise you're not going to leave when it gets hard."

Well said, Katie. Emily persuaded her otherwise, and Jenna has at least taken the effort to call sometimes. She's always 'too busy' to visit, but I think that's due to her stubbornness more than an attempt to get out of spending time with Emily.

She called me once at work, making me promise for a vow of secrecy before thanking me for taking care of her daughter. Crazy bipolar bitch.

The crazies? Well I can't say that it's been easy, but it's gotten a lot better. And four months isn't very long in terms of staying relatively sane.

Our six month anniversary is coming up alarmingly fast. Em is planning something for us to do. I am too. I've had the ring in my pocket for almost a month now. Some people might say it's too fast, but we have lived together for a long time now. We've seen each other at our worst.

I went crazy and my journey back to sanity would not have been same if I hadn't had my own personal angel who took me from Bedlam all the way back.

**On that cheesy note, this story really ends.**

**Yeah, this chapter had a lot of recollection and pure info, but I wanted to close up the loose ends.**

**To anyone wondering why I didn't talk about any of the other patients, it's coz keeping in contact with people still inside is really hard. Sadly enough, most people do worm their way out of your life.**

**Tell me what you thought of the story! Anything you'd like to see in the future from any of my fics. What I should do better next time.**

**Adios...**

**And to all those wondering about my very paranoid post a few days ago, I am feeling somewhat better. At least to the degree where I'm not fully crazed...yay? **


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